


The Insanity of Romance

by AssassinPyro13



Series: Asylum Love [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Cutting, Human Names Used, I will add more tags later when I can think of them, Italy is sneaky, M/M, Mental Hospital, Mental Illness, Mpreg, Mpreg Germany, Smut, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 21:12:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8593981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinPyro13/pseuds/AssassinPyro13
Summary: Ivan was a cutter being signed into the Global Asylum where he meets Ludwig, a boy who constantly switches between personalities. As his feelings for the mixed up German, he finds the struggles of putting up with all the friends he gains.





	1. I am Ivan Braginski

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god, I want to cry! This story is so old! I thought I lost it! But then I remembered that I had an account on Fanfiction.net and found my baby!!! Yey!!
> 
> Forgive this if it's crap. It's very old and was written back in 2013 or... 2010? I can't remember but it's old! And no, I will not go over and fix anything. I love this story so much, I wouldn't change a thing! Memories!!!
> 
> I did what I could for research for this fic. I remember wanting to write it perfectly. XD

It was so simple. I had never intended to get caught. I hadn't even thought it could get so bad until I ended up in the hospital. My scars had gotten infected so I had to stay in the hospital longer than expected. My scars are the effects of my cutting. I had started cutting when I lost my sisters in a car accident two years ago. They had just gotten back from the hospital. My little sister Natalia in the passenger seat and my older sister Yekaterina (or as I like to call her Katyusha) in the driver. They were coming to tell me great news about Katyusha when they were hit my a semi.

Katyusha was three weeks pregnant. Both of my sisters, the baby and the semi driver died that night. My sisters were all the family I had left ever since we were abandoned in an orphanage. Sitting in the passenger seat of the car, I fiddled with the scarf Katyusha made me when I was little. Natalia was just a toddler at the time. Toris, my guardian, sat in the front seat, quiet as usual as he drove. He didn't say where we were going but he didn't have to. I knew he was taking me to the Global Asylum where they take troubled teens. For me, it was because I cut. Ignoring the sting in my eyes and wrists, I watched as Toris parked the car in the parking lot of the brightly colored building. He turned the car off and we both sat quiet as we watched the building.

He put on a sad, forced smile before facing me. "It looks very nice." He says, trying to sound cheerful. Poor man, he tries so hard. I say nothing as I unbuckled and get out of the car to grab my stuff in the trunk. Toris sighs and follows suit.

OOO

The inside of the building was just as bright as it was on the outside but with the horrible odor of cleaning chemicals that the hospital had. I wrinkle my nose and look around as Toris talks to the Secretary. There were obvious signs that there were people here earlier but it was hard to tell whether or not they were children with all the crayons and paper lying about the place which nurses were trying to pick up. "Ivan." I heard my name and turned to see a nurse standing in front of me. But it hurt to look at her because she looked a lot like Katyusha but with smaller breasts. My heart clinched at the memory and I forced them to recede into my mind. This was not my sister. She spoke once more as if she hadn't noticed the empty look on my face.

"Hello, Ivan. Welcome to the Global care. My name Megan and I'm going to show you to your room where you will become introduced to your room mate. Would you like some time to say goodbye to your guardian?" She asks and writes on her clipboard. I glance behind her to see where Toris stood expecting but sad as well. I gave the nurse one of my small child-like smiles.

"No thank you. I would rather get this over with. No need for stressful goodbyes, Да?" I respond. Toris looked hurt but what did I care. He's the one who brought me into this place to begin with. Megan's smile never left her face.

"Alright then."

OOO

To say the room number was not ironic was like saying that punching a shark then singing the American anthem while wearing Russian colors in the White House was political. The reason it was ironic was that it was how old Natalia was during the crash. The thought made me miss my razor. My need for relief was unbearable.

"Your room mate has been made aware of you staying with him so just go on in. He will take you around and show you the place." She said cheerfully. Smiling was contagious apparently because I found myself smiling back when-

"MEGAN! THIS IS TOTALLY UNAWESOME!" The volume of that voice made me lose the smile. What king of loudmouth was that? I didn't have to wonder long because around the corner, a tall blond haired, blue eyed boy stormed to us. His hair was messy and he walked with a sort of arrogance around him. All the while, Megan never lost her smile. This must have been an everyday occurrence.

"Hello, Gilbert. What happened this time." She asked calmly as her hands clutched the clipboard tightly. The boy (who looked to be about eighteen) crossed his arms in a pout. "West cleaned the room again and I have no idea where he put my chick! MY CHICK! THAT IS NOT AWESOME! HE'S JUST JELOUS THAT THE AWESOME ME RULES HIM!" Megan patted his head. "It's Alright, Gilbert. I'll help you look and when I meet Ludwig today, I will ask him OK? Or better yet, perhaps we can speak with him for right now?"

The boy looked up at her with hope in his eyes while still in his pout. "K..." He said. Next thing I know, the boy is glancing around confused for a while when his eyes landed on Megan and I, he sleeked his hair back and his posture was upright.

"Guten Morgen, Miss Megan. May I ask how you are?" He spoke with a much more calm and mature tone. I could only stare in shock. What had just happened? "Good Morning, Ludwig. Gilbert was upset about his chick. Would you get it for him so he can find it." Ludwig (Gilbert?) blinked. "Ah, Natürlich. Ich werde danach sofort suchen." He spoke in his native language then he spotted me.

"Megan, Who is he?" Ludwig asked with those icy blue eyes trained onto my own. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Ludwig, this is Ivan Braginski from Russia." I wanted to shake her arm off. I wanted to get away from this strange German teen. I wanted my sisters. I wanted them alive.

"Sie haben violette Augen. Das ist sehr ungewöhnlich." He spoke with a tone that said "I am very interested". I couldn't stop my frown. "You're eyes are not much better, Вы сукин сын." No one spoke about my eyes! Next to my scarf, my eyes were the next sensitive and sore topic for me. He blinked as if I struck him.

"You could understand me?" He asked hesitantly and paled as he shook. It wasn't what I said or the fact that I could understand him. It was the fact that when I get angry, I let off this dark arura and the fact that I'm "Kolkolkol" ing doesn't help either. It was a habit that I could not break.

"Не делайте Вас, когда-либо говорят о моих глазах когда-либо снова! Когда-либо!" I found myself shouting and clutching my head. Ludwig and Megan had backed away in fear. When I saw that, I wanted to cry. Why did I always have to scare everybody?

OOO

I found myself in my room while under the covers of my bed. I never even bothered to take my boots off or coat off and I never remove my scarf unless I have to. I traced my fingers over the scars hidden behind my scarf. There was hardly any unmarked skin under there.

The door opened and a man with blond hair and thick bushy eyebrows came in. His eyes were a bright emerald green and when he spoke, he spoke with a British accent. His eyes scanned over where I lay with distaste.

"So you're the one who frightened poor Ludwig. Not even Feliciano Vargas' pasta couldn't calm him down. Now thanks to you, Gilbert's plotting revenge on everyone until he finds who did it. I hope you're happy." I only stared at him. What did I care what happened? I didn't even want to be here. The man sighed and held out a hand.

"I'm Arthur Kirkland of England. I am here because my parents think being anti-social is a crime. OH, I also believe in magic and Fairies and other mythical creatures. What about you?" I stared at his hand, debating for a bit before taking it in my own, finally getting out of the covers.

" Ivan Braginski from Russia. I cut myself for pleasure and relief." His eyes widened and let his arm drop. But this was only for a moment before he seemed to snap back into reality. "Hey, I know I am supposed to show you around, but since you are new here, I suppose I should give you a warning about everyone here." He pulled out a deck of cards and sat on the bed.

Lifting one, it showed two blond men. They looked like twins with blond hair and blue eyes but the smaller one had a powder yellow hair and a long piece of hair that curled and he looked kind of meek and shy with a stuffed polar bear in his arms. The other one wore a brown bomber jacket and his eyes shone bright.

"Before I say anything, It's best you know what is wrong with everyone so when you meet them, you won't freak out. Alright?" He spoke responsibly. I nodded. "Da." He nodded to me. "Good. These two are Mathew Williams and Alfred Jones. They're cousins. Mathew lives in Canada and Alfred live in America. Mathew has a problem with people noticing him. Or so he thinks. He thinks he's invisible at times and likes to hide in places. Many just play along to keep him calm and relaxed. Alfred has a "Hero Complex" Which has gotten him into trouble more than once. He has to know everything about everybody and he believes he can fix their problems."

Arthur set that card down and lifted another with two Asian men. One looked like a girl with his long hair. "These two are Wang Yao and Honda Kiku. Kiku Is from Japan and has 'Visions'. Whenever he has one, he would draw it on the art book he carries with him. Yao is from China and he's a natural born sales man. That might not sound bad but he can't stop and he will sell stuff that's not even his. So keep an eye on your belongings."

As he sets that card down and lifts another card with the strange German boy I ran into earlier. Beside him was a picture of an albino with red eyes and white hair.

"I know him." I called out. I sounded so surprised when I didn't mean to be. Arthur scowled. "I know that. Gilbert was shouting at how you scared Ludwig. He calls you a psycho you know..." I frown but it wasn't a big one. The picture of the albino confused me.

"I am curious about his story though...why does he call himself Gilbert one moment and Ludwig the next?" Arthur set the card down with a sad sigh. His shoulders sagged. "He can't help it." He said.

"You see, This man here," He pointed to the albino. "That was Ludwig's brother Gilbert who raised him. They were close and five years ago, Gilbert was murdered while protecting Ludwig from a robber who broke into their home. No one knows when or how but Ludwig developed a split personality of his older brother which is why he's here. It's like a safety precaution. No one but the doctors talk about his condition with him. The rest of us accept it and move one. The only one who can really grasp it is Feliciano." Then Arthur shuffled through the deck and found a picture of him.

The man in the picture was innocent and smiling. He looked completely fine. So why was he here?

" Feliciano is Ludwig's best friend. He's from Italy along with his twin brother Romano. I know you're wondering so here it is. Feliciano Vargas is here on suicide watch after watching his lover take his own life. His lover was a huge fan of the Holy Roman Empire and he loved to study about it. No one knows why he took his own life but we had reasons to believe it was because of Francis Bonnefoy." I gave a blank look. Arthur rolled his eyes and lifted a random card of a man with long blond hair with a blond beard.

"This is him. He's French." He said. "Oh." I responded and leaned forward, allowing Arthur to continue. "Francis has a sex problem. That's the only thing on his mind and he will rape if he gets bad enough. Which it's rumored to be why Feliciano's lover hung himself."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the translations suck. XD as I said, this is old.

The best way to describe lunch time was that it could have gone better...No, I'm not kidding. It really could have gone better. The entire lunch room was in chaos. With Arthur's help, I was able to tell who was who and who had what wrong with them but it didn't help the fact that they were all driving me crazy. Alfred was on the table, yelling loudly at people, Yao was trying to con Francis in buying something that looked like he scraped from the back of the fridge, and Feliciano was singing about pasta rather loudly but oddly enough on tune.

The only one who seemed even sane here beside Arthur was Kiku, who sat quietly in the corner beside Feliciano. The food didn't even look edible! As I am looking at my tray, I see potatoes, or what look like potatoes that had a green tint with what looked like carrots. Arthur sat on my right while Feliciano's brother Romano sat on my left. Romano was alright to be around but his ticks got rather..."Insulting" is the word I'm looking for...He was sitting and poking his own food with a plastic spork in one hand and a plastic knife in the other. Sometimes I wish I had that knife. They won't let me have knives here. Arthur actually had to cut my hard "carrots" for me...If you can call them that. They looked blue! What kind of place has food like this!

"Ugh...I'm not eating this-SHIT!" Complained Romano with his "problem" kicking in as he dropped his spork on the tray. Arthur ignored him and ate his food but I turned my head to the Italian twin. "I don't blame you either. Is this even food?" I ask innocently. Romano turns to me with a scowl.

"Of course not-BASTARD! These people make this garbage and call it food! It's all the-FUCKING! Government's fault that they are too cheap for us." How was I to respond? Turning back to my food, I could not help but hear an odd ticking noise. Finally, Arthur takes time to speak with the Italian.

"Romano, have you been taking your medication?" The ticking was getting awfully louder. Romano responded to Arthur with what sounded like a hiss. "SHIT HEAD-Yes I did for your information." He growled. And his head twitched only once when suddenly, all three of us had the food on our trays explode, sending an odd combination of corn, carrots, and potatoes and all three of use reacted differently.

Romano screamed and ducked under the table just in time, Arthur flinched away but still ended up getting food on him and I just stared stupidly as I was covered in food while trying to figure out what happened. This happened so fast but we spoke only a couple minutes after it happened. Arthur panicked and took a napkin and began trying to wipe my face off while I tried squirming away.

"AH! Ivan! Are you alright?" He asked as he wiped more frantic which made me push him away from me. "Stop! Да! I am alright! What happened?" I asked and rubbed my head, causing some corn to fall off. At least the corn was the right color. Arthur got glared angrily at his tray and Romano peaked out from under the table.

"Blast, Gilbert! I should have known! Every time he does a prank involving food, he colors it! And I fall for it every time! I swear if he does it one more time, I'm going to overdose him with his own medication! Or at least I would if it weren't for Ludwig. Ludwig is the sweat and polite one." Then the Englishman gripped his pants legs tightly. At first, I thought he was going to rip them but my thoughts were diverted when I heard I strange...Laugh?

"Kesesesese!" Romano just sat back into his seat when Gilbert (Ludwig?) pushed him out of his seat and sat down in it, causing the older Italian to fall to the floor, cursing of his own free will.

"È entrato a far parte dello staff culo madre, figlio di puttana, patetica scusa di un uomo!" He shouted in his native language from his spot on the floor before he got up, took his tray, and stormed off elsewhere.

The only thing different about the blonde German was the stuffed chick on his head. How did he get it to stay there? But he was laughing that odd laugh of his before he pointed and held his side with hos other hand.

"Kesesesese! Sie sollten Ihr Gesicht gesehen haben! Das war unbezahlbar! It was like," Then he made an expression of terror, which I was sure I did not have. Anger built up in my chest. A feeling I am all too familiar with. "Kesesesese! It was so frickin' hilarious!" Arthur was scowling at the German.

"Gilbert, honestly! How old are you? That was really immature! Even for you!" The Englishman yelled. But Gilbert was leaning back and waved the other man in a 'I don't care' fashion. "Oh, lighten up, saure Mieze. Had I done it to Alfred, you would have thought it was funny too. Besides, even WEST, of all people, would have thought it funny."

CRUNCH!

The noise woke me from my anger induced mind and all three of us turned to where the noise came from and we saw that my fist had broken a chunk from the table. Strange, I never even noticed that I had grabbed the table. Quickly, I let the chunk go and it hit the hard floor with a loud "PRONP!" It was one of those moments where I was surrounded by chaos.

Gilbert paled and looked at his wrist. "Oh, gut! Will you look at the time!" He had no watch "I'm late for art class! They'll never survive without the awesomeness that is Gilbert! Poor people, they're starving for it!" Then he left faster than anybody realized what was going to happen. Only then, did I feel a dull ache in my hand. I didn't need a scientist to tell me that I must have splinters from the WOODEN table.

OOO

Arthur had drug me to the doctor room, the kind that heals wounds rather than minds. The doctor was finishing with the splinters while lecturing me about hurting myself. I just ignored her words and listened to her tunes. Her voice was so motherly. Something I had never had. Arthur stood nearby patiently.

As we exited the room, Arthur pulled out a paper and handed it to me. "Here." He said calmly. "I was to give it to you after lunch. It's your classes. Even in here we go to school." He grumbled.

"Your first class is art. Now I know two people in there and remember what I told you about them. Berwald Oxenstierna, The Swedish guy, he's socially awkward so mind what you say and be nice to him and Sadık Adnan hates being touched by anyone! If you can handle this class, you can handle anything." I gave an innocent smile before fixing my scarf over my shoulder.

"Relax, comrade. I'm sure I will be fine. After all, not everybody likes me. Если Вы получаете мое значение." Arthur made a face. "Ivan, you know I don't speak Russian. Anyway, Don't think I'm worried or anything. I just thought you'd need a bit of advice." He mumbled stubbornly and turned away from me.

I gave him another innocent and cute smile that usually made many of the women hearts melt. "Да. Я могу ясно видеть это, товарища." Then I turned to look for hallway 207.

OOO

First thing I notice when I get in there was Ludwig. I knew it was Ludwig because his hair was sleeked back and Feliciano was sitting beside him but listening to music. Ludwig was hunched over a desk as he sat on the stool. In front of him lay many crayons that him and Feliciano were sharing. Crayons for teens may seem a bit childish to some but apparently, markers were a hazard here.

In all honest, I trusted the German when he was Ludwig. And he was the only one in the room I spoke to personally. Aside from the seat on the other side of him being empty, I sat in it and looked at what he was drawing. My eyes grew and my heard fluttered. It was one of the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Never had I seen a field of sunflowers drawn with such detail and it seemed like he spent a lot of time in it.

"I'm not that good." I heard him say beside me and I looked up to his face. "What?" I oh-so cleverly responded with (note the sarcasm). He sigh depressingly and set the crayon down. "I'm not that good. Feliciano is better at this." He answered. Taking a glance at what the younger Italian was coloring, I frowned. Sure, it was pretty good but it was mainly abstract. I hated abstract. I leaned to the German, noting how his face turned red as the closer I got to him.

"I'm all honesty, comrade. I preferred yours. I like sunflowers, you understand. They are my favorite. Sadly, the only place, correct me if I am wrong, the only place that I know they grow in is America. They wilt and die in Russia." My face and emotions grew glum. "It is so sad. They are so pretty. But back to this, this is really good. It is like they are real."

I noted how Ludwig's face got redder and his fingers began twitching. "R-really?" his question was so quiet that I nearly missed it. I gave him a smile, also noting how he fidgets. Not once did he look at me. Just at his picture. This displeased me. I want him to look at me.

"I will not lie. Your picture is very good. I did not know you could do art." I thought for a moment. Wasn't he Gilbert when he left? "Gilbert wasn't very nice to me at lunch. What happened to him?" I asked, giving Ludwig a suspicious eye. Ludwig's blush vanished much to my disappointment. "Art is one of the few classes that he doesn't come out at. Actually, he normally only comes out when I'm under great emotion. He rarely comes out when I take my medicine." He answers truthfully and bows his head. My eye twitches. Why won't he look at me?

"There's that word again! Medicine! Does everyone have medicine here?" I ask sharply but not too loudly as to alert the rest of the people here to us. Ludwig nodded, both of us ignoring Feliciano singing with his ear buds in his ears. "We all have medicine." he confirms.

I puffed out my chest and sat strait up, scowl clearly on my face. Disgust ran through me. "Not me. I have no medications for what I have." I admit, I was boasting. Ludwig finally looked at me and only then did I realize how beautiful his electric eyes were. As Gilbert, those eyes were a dull ice blue. He looked at me shyly, flush running to his face.

"You will." He said bitterly. "I don't know what's wrong with you but they'll give you medication. Bumsen, I bet even the teachers and the doctors are on something." Then he turned away. "Hush, the Teacher's here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> \- Yes- Да (Russian)
> 
> -Shit - Дерьмо (Russian)
> 
> -You fucking mother fucker, son of a bitch, pathetic excuse of a man! - È entrato a far parte dello staff culo madre, figlio di puttana, patetica scusa di un uomo! (Italian)
> 
> \- You should have seen your face! It was priceless! - Sie sollten Ihr Gesicht gesehen haben! Das war unbezahlbar! (German)
> 
> \- Sour Puss - saure Mieze (German)
> 
> \- Oh, Well! - Oh, gut! (German)
> 
> \- If you get my meaning - Если Вы получаете мое значение. (Russian)
> 
> \- Yes. I can clearly see that, comrade. - Да. Я могу ясно видеть это, товарища.
> 
> -Fuck - Bumsen (German)


	3. Chapter 3

I found myself staring at Ludwig most of the art class. I stared at him while he paid full attention to the teacher.

"Ve~~ Ludwig? I can't hear him. What is Grandpa saying?" and unfortunately Feliciano. It's also a little irritating that the art teacher just so happens to be the little annoying Italian's grandfather. My teeth gritted when the German looked HIM in the eyes! Why won't he look me in the eyes? I let out a long breath and face the front of the room to where Mr. Vargas was writing on the board about lighting and darkening.

I don't even know why I'm getting upset. Sure, without Ludwig's "Gilbert" personality, he was nice to talk to and he is really nice. But he won't look me in the eyes. I feel like I beat him up or something. My eyes widened. Thinking back, I did yell at him when we first met. Was he afraid of me because of that? I could not help but look back at him. His skin was so pale and looked a bit clammy but that could be because it was hot in here.

The heat...why was the room so hot? Tugging at my scarf a bit, I wiped small droplets of sweat. Sure I lived in Russia the majority of my life and the warm weather was pleasant but this is ridiculous!

"Ve~~ That's because where Grandpa, Romano, and I lived back in Italy, it was warm most of the time. Grandpa loves the heat. I don't notice it." Feliciano had said to me with his head cocked cutely to the side. I raised an eyebrow.

"Had I said that out loud?" I couldn't help but ask. Both Feliciano and Ludwig nodded. Feliciano faced me with his closed eyes (how can he even see?) and Ludwig found his hands more interesting.

"Sì avete fatto. Non preoccupatevi se. Lo faccio tutto il tempo." Feliciano cooed and smiled like he was out of it. "As a matter of fact, it drives people crazy and sometimes they hit me." Then he looked troubled. "I don't know why though." I saw Ludwig shake his head before turning back to Mr. Vargas.

The silence hung in the air. Well, between us three it was silence but around us there were people scraping chairs, bodily functions such as coughing or burping the occasional silent fart and and Mr. Vargas' speech that I really didn't get. But ignoring all that, the air seemed tense or was that just in my mind.

"Я сожалею." The words slipped out before I could stop them. Ludwig turned to me but not I was the one who avoided facing him. His eyes were wide in his startling. "Entschuldigen Sie mich?" He asked quietly. I turned and looked him in the eye. "I said that I was sorry. For scaring you when we were first introduced. What I did was out of line."

I wanted to growl in frustration as he turned back to look at his hands. "It's alright. I did not know that your eyes were a sensitive subject and it was rude to just blurt that out." Leaning forward, showing the most innocent look I could muster I spoke.

"Please. Won't you look at me? I want to speak face to face." He was hesitant but he did look at me. "Apologies. I-I was not trying to be rude. And I do not blame you. I've had worse especially since...Gilbert." He said somewhat timidly before averting his eyes back to his paper. This made me wonder and think back to the card Arthur showed me of the red eyed albino. Was he talking about his brother or his other personality?

"Why exactly are you here if you do not mind my asking." His voice brought me back to reality. I looked down at my gloved hands which the bottoms of them were hidden under my big trench coat. Flexing my hands in assurance that the scars on my wrists were healed, I smiled at him and could see his eyes avert to my hands before turning back to my face.

"It is alright. Arthur already knows why I am here. The truth is very simple really. I cut." His eyes widened...Much like Arthur's did when I told him earlier today. "But why? You look fine. Why do you cut?" The mood seemed to darken. Ludwig's face paled when he saw my abnormal innocent face as the room grew colder as if someone turned on the air conditioner to high maximum.

My pale hair shadowed my face as I looked at him darkly. "You look normal. Where did Gilbert come from." Ludwig began shaking. Instantly, my dark mood fell and I was suddenly depressed. A frown covered the place where my smile once was and I hugged myself.

"I-I...I'm sorry. I do not know what came over me...It...It just happens...Ever since my sisters..." I stopped there. He did not need to know. Not yet at least. I watched as his shivering stopped and a small timid smile found it's way on his face. Why was my face heating up? Was the heat coming back to me already?

"I-It's ok...I u-understand. I lost my brother a while ago. Everyone here lost someone." And for the first time in two years, I managed a real smile.

OOO

Stepping out of the room, I decided that I would like art very much. Looking down the hall opposite of where I needed to go for my next class, I watched Ludwig walk away with Feliciano. Only now, I watch Ludwig mess up his hair angrily like a child who was made at someone for fixing his hair, and placed a small, cute, stuffed chick on his head where it sat, stuck like glue. I sighed. There's Gilbert. I admit though, I'm getting good at noticing that even if it doesn't take a genius to realize it.

"Hey-VODKA BASTARD!" the voice of Romano bit into my brain and I turned in time to see him along with a boy who I recognized as Alfred chasing after him. Romano was running to me frantic as Alfred laughed and ran, just as fast as the Italian. The sight was very comical. I must remember this. When Romano caught up to me, he managed to squeeze behind me and into the back of my coat.

"What are you-" I protested questioningly, feeling his tiny (compared to me, a lot of people are small) body to me but he interrupted. "Chiudere la vostra bocca indotta alcool, Vodka bastardo!" He hissed quietly. "I'm hiding from the-STUPID-" Quickly, he grabbed his mouth. I may not see it but I can feel his movements on my back...Why do I get the feeling that, that phrase sounded wrong?

Finally, Alfred ran up to me and pulled on my coat. I nearly let out a startled yell when I found myself (and Romano, who clung to my back)being jerked and dragged around the hall. The smaller boy was stronger than he looked. He laughed hysterically as he tried to reach in the back of my coat to where Romano's head was. But unfortunately for the American, I was too tall. I squirmed as his hand accidentally tugged on my scarf slightly.

"Come on dude! Tell me what's wrong!" He laughed as he spoke. I grabbed his wrist in a firm grip, not that he cared. He just tugged on my coat some more with his free one. Both Romano and I groaned. This boy was not only strong, he was loud too! "C'mon! I'm the hero! You have to tell heroes what's wrong! Otherwise, how can they help you?" Great, Now he was whining. I rolled my eyes.

"Fuck off! Non ho bisogno del vostro aiuto!" Romano warned as he poked his head up out of the neck of the coat beside my head, nearly cutting off my oxygen. I loosened my collar. Alfred laughed even more. "Don't be mean Romano. You know I don't speak Spanish! Silly man." Romano's glare intensified at the poor American.

"It's Italian-BURGER BASTARDO! Not Spanish! Confronto tra i due è solo insulto!" Romano shook and angry fist at Alfred. On Alfred's part though, gave a blank expression. "There's a difference?" He asked. I almost laughed. The question was so innocent and stupid all in one.

Apparently, that was over the top because he jumped out of my coat, screaming angrily with fire in his eyes as he went to tackle the American but I grabbed the angry Italian who was bent on blood. Alfred jumped away but when he realize the man went to attack him, he lifted both of his fists and danced around like a professional boxer while taking false, mocking swings as he noticed I was keeping the Italian from attacking. I sighed and stared at both of them with pity. Back in Russia, we never wasted our energy to pick fights...Or at least, I didn't.

"Пожалуйста, Вы два! Только прекратите бороться или по крайней мере, боритесь далеко от меня." I begged in my own language, ignoring the fact that neither understood what I had just said. Finally fed up, I repeated it in English. "Please, you two! Just stop fighting or at least, fight away from me."

Both stopped what they were doing and looked back up at me. Romano still spouted a glare while Alfred stared with a giant grin. I really don't know why he was so happy. "You're tall, dude." Then he turned to Romano who went slightly slack in my arms. "The Ruski is right. Meet me at the flag pole during 'Outside time'." He said then turned and left.

Finally, I let Romano down when I felt like he was calmer. "MOTHER FUCKER-That man makes me SO MAD!" He shouted. "Next time I'll MUSTACHE HIM!" Then he pulled out a fake mustache that looked like what the stereotypical Italian would always have. It was curvy and bushy. Then he began to laugh and I could feel my head spinning. There has to be a reason besides his insulting tick that got him in here.

"Well, goodbye, Romano. I have to get to English class now." Not hearing what else he was saying, I sped passed him to head to the next class. Hopefully Arthur would be there to help me figure out what just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> -Sì avete fatto. Non preoccupatevi se. Lo faccio tutto il tempo - Yes you did. Don't worry though. I do it all the time. (Italian)
> 
> -Entschuldigen Sie mich?- Excuse me? (German)
> 
> -Chiudere la vostra bocca indotta alcool, Vodka bastardo! - Close your alcohol induced mouth, Vodka bastard! (Italian)
> 
> -Non ho bisogno del vostro aiuto! - I don't need Your help! (Italian)
> 
> -Confronto tra i due è solo insulto! - Comparing the two is just insulting! (Italian)
> 
> -Пожалуйста, Вы два! Только прекратите бороться или по крайней мере, боритесь далеко от меня. - Please, you two! Just stop fighting or at least, fight away from me. (Russian)


	4. Chapter 4

I had to admit, it was an immediate relief that Arthur was in my English class. With him there, the calm feeling he radiated was relaxing my shaken nerves from the tussle with the American and the darker haired Italian. The second I stepped in that room, Arthur saw me and waved me to an empty seat beside him which I took gladly. The seat seemed a bit small for me but I couldn't complain. On the other side of Arthur sat, what appeared to be a clone of Alfred with a hair curl on his head. But I was no fool. I knew that was Matthew.

Arthur turned half his body to face me, a smile on his face and his emerald eyes was the definition of calm. "How was art? I hope Mr. Vargas wasn't too annoying. He does have a habit of singing during his classes." He asked me with a quiet chuckle at the end. I gave a small smile and cocked my head to the side slightly, not like the way Feliciano did but my own way.

"Мне жаль, что Вы не не спрашиваете." I said with a groan despite my happy expression and my hand twitched to where I used to have my razor. The stress was really getting to me. Never before had I been dragged around like that. Especially in a hallway. I watched Arthur's lips tighten in annoyance.

"Ivan, English please. Not everyone can understand the Russian language." He scolded weakly. I chuckled a little. "Да, но это - такое большое развлечение." I teased him as I spoke Russian again. I could just imagine his teeth grinding. I laughed lightly again. "Alright, Arthur. I will stop teasing you now. But seriously, the only bad moment was when I ran into Romano and Alfred and ended up getting dragged around like a rag doll and getting attacked by his rude behavior and obnoxious laugh."

Arthur bit his lip. "They always fight like that. And it's not Alfred's fault like that. Being slightly mentally unstable is another reason why he's here. Romano's attitude and tick doesn't help his case either." This reminded me of my question.

"Romano was saying something about a mustache. Can you believe it, he actually pulled one out. Is that another reason HE'S here?" I ask and my smile fell, replaced by a worried expression. I was not worried about Romano, mind you. I was worried about my own sanity. Arthur let his lip go and rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

"No. That's just him being stupid. The wanker thinks that the coy mustache is the ultimate form of humiliation. The only person who unknowingly turned that 'prank' of his was Ludwig. I thought it was funny because the words out of Ludwig's mouth was, 'You do realize it looks like you are wearing the mustache, right?'" Then he laughed in his memory. I grinned, hiding my smile behind my scarf. The mental image was indeed funny. Then my thoughts drifted to the German when he smiled in the last class. It was a real genuine smile...It was so beautiful like the sun hitting sunflowers. Yes, Ludwig was like the sun. My little Солнце.

"Ivan?" Arthur's voice reached my ears, snapping out of my thoughts of the adorable German boy. "Arthur." I responded coyly. One of his thick eyebrows twitched. "Well, at least I have your attention. What happened? You spaced out on me." I stared blankly at him. I had spaced out hadn't I?

"I am fine, comrade. My mind was just on other things. Who is our teacher?" I ask and squirmed. Just thinking of Ludwig was making me nervous. Why was that? Arthur made a polite "hm..." and looked at the chalkboard at the front of the room. "His name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo but unlike the others, he wants to be called Antonio. Not really sure why."

A laugh that sounded creepy and made Arthur stiffen, echoed near us and before I new it, the Frenchman known as Francis had Arthur tightly in his arms while Arthur looked blue in the face, but not by the lack of oxygen. "Oh, but Mon cher!" The blond exaggerated the last bit of his sentence with a seductive tone. "When you call another by the first name, it is another step for romance, Oui ?" Then he began to snuggle in the Englishman's hair. Now, Arthur was struggling and trying to pry the other man off with a look of pure outrage.

"Let go of me you bloody frog! Let go I say! This is really undignified, unhand me at once! Ivan, help me!" Arthur yelled and no matter how much he pried the Frenchman's hands away, the bearded man just held on more and tighter each time. The sight was sad really. Sighing, I went to replied but Francis beat me to it.

"Non, mon amour! Vous ne voulez pas vraiment que je laisse vont vous font ? Je vous ferai vous sentir bien ainsi!" He cried. My eyes widened. I may not understand French, but I have a pretty good idea of what he said. Or maybe I was thinking about it too much. I looked around and saw the people here in the room were doing their own things and ignoring the scene Francis and Arthur were making. Was this a normal occurrence as well?

"Get off, you bloody wanker! I want nothing to do with you! Oh, why must I have you in my classes? Did they need to pair us up in nearly everything?" Arthur shouted as I faced the door that began to open. Next thing I knew, Francis made a vary feminine squeal. "Oh, mon amour! You said 'Pair'! That means that we're legit! Je suis si heureux! Je vous ferai chanter mais sûrement!" Arthur groaned which sounded like he was in pain.

"We are not together! How many times do I have to tell you that?" He cried, still being held by the Frenchman. Finally, the door opened wide to revile a tan man with dark brown hair and green eyes. He had on a big smile as he stalked to his desk in the front of the room. Getting behind it, he set the papers he was holding down on the said desk and gave one loud clap, causing everyone to quiet down and to look at him. Francis gave another squeal and ran back to his desk which was on the other side of the room.

"Dé la bienvenida a clase!" He cried cheerfully. "My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo but I would prefer you call me Antonio. It would make me feel a lot less old." His smile never left. I like the cheery air that followed him. "Now today is our first day, I know. But class must start and I would like to review what you know. Anyone know of flashbacks and foreshadowing?" Just as he said that, the recently closed door slammed open to show Romano who looked more pissed than what he did during his fight with Alfred.

Turning to the door, Antonio smiled kindly to the pissed Italian. "Ah, Romano. Está tan bien que usted podría venir en una tan última vez." He spoke. Romano glared and blurted out "YOUR MOTHER WAS A PIG!" I could not tell if this was a tick or if he was just that mad.

But Antonio didn't get offended. He just stood there smiling. "Take a seat, Romano. We were just starting." Romano held his glare and stormed to the empty desk beside a young boy in a sailor outfit. I think his name was Peter Kirkland, Arthur's little brother. As he went to the seat, he was muttering something about everyone being bastards and bitches. The brown haired girl beside me laughed. I gave her a quick smile for her sense of humor. From Arthur's card review, I knew that her name was Elizabeta Héderváry. She was one girl that could be laid back and yet be a workaholic.

Antonio sighed once Romano plopped in his seat. "Good, now that, that was over. As I said, can anyone tell me the difference between foreshadowing and a flashback?" He asked and scanned the room. No one raised their hand but Arthur who had his hand up excitedly. Antonio gave him a hard look.

"Anyone beside Arthur? Anyone at all?" He groaned out. Meekly I raised my hand up. I hated being the center of attention but no one was going to be called on since Arthur's hand was being ignored. When Antonio saw my hand, you could physically see his eyes brighten and he pointed to me happily without hesitation. "Ivan! Please, tell us. How are they different?"

All eyes fell on me and I tugged my scarf. "Flashbacks are stories or events that happened in the past while foreshadowing are hints to what's going to happen in the future." I informed quietly and slouched in my seat while Arthur pouted in his. Antonio bounced and wrote what I had said on the board before turning back to us.

"Yes! That is exactly true! To many, the knowledge of flashbacks are easy since there are bits of it in many games, movies, plays, books, etc. But not many know what foreshadowing are. Now unlike a flashback, you are not outwardly told when or what it is. I will give you an example of a foreshadow. Have any of you watched or read, "The Lord of the Rings"?" No one answered. Antonio puffed out his chest but the smile never left his face. "No? Well, there are many hints as to what is going to happen but not many know what those hints are unless you actually know what you are looking for. In the story, you are told of a ring that can posses and taint the minds of whoever possesses it or those around it. Then later in the story, you know that Frodo gets the ring. With that bit of information, you can connect them together and you have a good idea on what's going to happen." Taking a deep breath, he continued.

"That is just one example of foreshadowing. A great book to find foreshadowing would be in the book known as "The Pearl." which I will give all of you a copy of to read on you're spare time the whole weekend."

OOOO

"What do you think of that book?" Arthur asked as we sat on a bench outside the building. The bench we were at was on the property of the Global Asylum. This was where Arthur and I agreed to go to for our breaks. All around the property had a fence to keep us from running off. It made me sad. I closed the book and took a quick glance at the grass under my boots before I faced him.

"Well...It's interesting..." I mumble and put the book in the big pocket of my coat were it fit with room to spare. Arthur snorted. "That's a nice way of putting it." He griped. "I don't mind it taking place in a Spanish continent but the fact that a poor couple find a giant pearl, want to sell it to be rich, have it stolen, and their baby dying, is rather quite depressing."

I said nothing and stood up, my back popping a little. "Where are you going?" He asked as he stood up after me. I looked down at him. "I have a session with my psychiatrist today. I need to be there in a few minutes. Today is Friday, I have a session with him for three hours each weekend." My answer was disturbingly truthful. I do not want to go there but I have no choice. Arthur sighed and nodded.

"I understand. Come to think of it, I have to go to mine around about now but mine is the opposite of yours. You know, I do hate her. My psychiatrist I mean." I just nodded. "I best be going. До свидания, Arthur." I say politely. Arthur nodded. "Goodbye, Ivan. See you at dinner time." Then we both walked the directions we needed to go. I didn't even know how late it was until I saw a clock in the hallway of the building. It said 6:30 while I was supposed to be there at 6:43. Picking up my pace, I sped walked, considering I didn't feel up to running right now.

It wasn't long before I turned the corner and literally ran into someone. I was fine and managed to keep my footing but the other didn't as they let out an "oof!" and a thud signaled that whoever it was, they fell onto the floor. "Watch it, Zucken Sie! That was so not awesome!" Looking down, I saw Ludwig, or rather, Gilbert since his hair was messed up and the stuffed chick was sitting on his head. Finally, he looked back up at me with a glare. I just stared in his eyes in shock and saw them turn from an icy blue to an electric blue. The boy's look vanished to apologetic. He took the chick off his head and fixed his hair. There's Ludwig.

"Ah, Ivan. I am sorry. Gilbert did not see you. I'm sorry for anything he did." He spoke softly as his face turned red. I guess mine did as well because I felt the heat on my face return and I know this hallway was not hot as Mr. Vargas' room. I gave him a once over and saw all the drawn artwork scattered on the floor. When I saw him begin to pick them up, I quickly bent down and helped him, looking at them as I did so, I noticed one of me. It was where I was smiling to him earlier. It was amazing at how lifelike it was. It was perfect, down to the dead look in my eyes but the smile was real.

"Wow, these are amazing." I spoke aloud. Ludwig blushed and held the papers he gathered to himself. He blushes a lot, I noticed. As we picked up all the papers, we stood, me still holding the one of me while he had the rest. "This looks exactly like me so much it's almost scary. But do not get me wrong, it is good." Ludwig smiled weakly.

"I hope you're not mad. I just felt like I had to draw it." His eyes shone as he said that. I smiled wider. I was doing that a lot today. "I am not mad, comrade. I am amazed. You could make a lot of money with the work you put in your art." There was a silence for a while and I handed him the paper which he took carefully. "You think so?" He asked in a louder tone. Lately when he spoke to me, it was quiet like a mouse.

"Да. Only one problem. I don't THINK, I KNOW." He laughed. "Thanks. I don't get many complements. Normally, people complain to me about Gilbert." Then he got an odd look. "Come to think about it, he didn't make his presents known much today. Or at least the times I was with you...Thank you." He spoke. I smiled oddly. "You are welcome...I think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> -Мне жаль, что Вы не не спрашиваете. - I wish you didn't ask. (Russian)
> 
> -Да, но это - такое большое развлечение. - Yes but it is so much fun. (Russian)
> 
> -Солнце. - Sun. (Russian)
> 
> -Mon cher. - My dear. (French)
> 
> -Oui ? - Yes? (French)
> 
> -Non, mon amour! Vous ne voulez pas vraiment que je laisse vont vous font ? Je vous ferai vous sentir bien ainsi! - No, my love! You do not really want me to let go do you? I will make you feel so good! (French)
> 
> -Je suis si heureux! Je vous ferai chanter mais sûrement! - I am so happy! I will make you sing for sure! (French)
> 
> -Dé la bienvenida a clase! - Welcome class! (Spanish)
> 
> -Ah, Romano. Está tan bien que usted podría venir en una tan última vez. - Oh, Romano. It's so good that you could come at such a late time. (Spanish)
> 
> -До свидания, - Goodbye, (Russian)
> 
> -Zucken Sie! - Jerk! (German)
> 
> -Да. - Yes. (Russian)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh god. XD I remember this. This was my very first attempt at a sex scene.

-Time skip-

You know that the first day here was alright for me. But once I got out of my psychiatrist's room, I ended up getting pills that are supposed to "Lessen my negative emotions by rejecting certain body chemicals" Which I think just screamed out loud "Untested Drug!" and when Ludwig found out, both him and Gilbert weren't happy. Ludwig, I understand because he was a nice guy. Gilbert on the other hand, no idea.

My mind had been on Ludwig for the rest of the weekend and the week after. Time seemed to move on quickly. But then again it might just be the medicine I found myself being forced to swallow. Because of it, my mind was in a total fog. I didn't know which was was which. With how my mind, I mistook Kiku for Arthur! Not that he minded from what I could tell. The only thing I could really remember from my time on the medicine was talking to Ludwig and that he was becoming less and less shy around me. I even managed to get him to make a joke...Not that I could remember it. I do remember that after he told it, I laughed before falling face forward on the desk, fast asleep. Needless to say that it freaked him out because he thought I was dead.

Holding the pills in my hand, Arthur stood in front of me as I sat on my bed with a glass of water in the hand that didn't have the pills. He stood with his arms crossed and tapping his foot. I couldn't blame him in a way but I didn't want to spend my time with Ludwig or anyone else in a haze. I actually wanted to have my memory as I lived here.

Placing the pills in my mouth, I took the water and swallowed. Arthur then bent to my head level and tapped my chin. "Open." He ordered sternly. I complied and stuck my tongue out to hang out my mouth mockingly. He smiled, satisfied that he had done his job and went to the bathroom door and gripped it and turning to me.

"Are you going on another one of your walks?" He asks, smile still on his face. I smiled back and nodded. "Да. Как всегда." I spoke in my native language. I saw him twitch. "You know, all I got from that was 'yes'. Well, don't be too long. Get to bed before twelve." He ordered once again and went into the bathroom.

When I was sure he had the door closed, I brought my hand up to my mouth and spat the pills that I had hidden under my tongue then stood up to throw the pills away before I left the room to go to the empty art room where Ludwig and I had agreed to meet. Or rather, he agreed for us considering I was out of it at the time. Good thing he wrote a note and put it somewhere I could find it when I snapped out of it.

The hallway was dark as I walked quietly down it to the room. Over the time, I had gotten used to the route of my schedule. It wasn't long until I had arrived at the door. Just outside, Ludwig stood, trying to hide as much as he could in the corner near the door. Reason being, the nurses patrol around here for any patients that may think about sneaking away. "I am here, Ludwig." I called out quietly to him. I could see his head poke out from the shadows and look around before the rest of him followed as he stepped up to me in nothing but his boxers and a tank top.

"I am sorry. Normally I would be dressed but I had to wait for Feliciano to fall asleep and he wouldn't unless I did first. What about your end. Does Arthur know? Did you swallow the pills?" He asked a bit worried. He and I both agree that those pills had not even been tested before. So basically we think that this asylum is testing them on me. I nodded. "Arthur doesn't expect a thing. But I am afraid I do not know how long this will fool them." I said as I grasped the knob of the door and opened it.

I was the one who always opened the door because I am the only one of the two who can get away with wearing gloves 24/7. I guess that was a restriction Toris put them on, not that it really mattered. Quickly, we hurried in and I closed the door behind me. As we stood in the dark room, I couldn't help but see how much he looked like he worked out. The thought of him under me stirred something in me but I shook that thought away. Only two weeks or so. That is how long we've known each other and yet I want him so much. There was something wrong with that.

"I can't take it here much longer. Three years I've been here and yet I hadn't been able to forget." Ludwig spoke suddenly and with such anger I had never heard him use. But then again, I did not know him long. "Hmm? What brought that on?" I ask mainly to myself. He sighed and hopped up on a desk and bowed his head in an attempt to hide his anger.

With a sigh, he looked back up at me. "He always loved the dark you know. This room was just as big as him 'Lair' as he called it. It looks the same. The only thing different is the furniture and the floor...Gilbert loved carpet. He loved having his chicks walk around. And I would gripe about how he'd clean it if one of those birds pooped on it." He gave a laugh.

"That was the night before he was killed." I watched as he shook and I went up to him and gripped his arms in a firm grip. "Ludwig, do not say anymore. It is hurting you." I said with a stern glare. In one swift motion, he swung his arms which made me release their grip and back away in shock. His face now showed his anger.

"Nicht! Ich muss darüber sprechen!" He hollered as he jumped off the desk and landed square on his feet. Tears ran down his face. "You don't understand! I can't hold this in and you are the closest person to me, even Feliciano isn't emotionally close to me as you are! You are the only one I feel I can connect to!" My shock slowly began to leave me and I managed to get him to sit on the floor and I sat by him. Our backs touched the desk.

"Ok, if you really need to. But keep it quiet. If we're caught, I won't be able to sneak any of the alcohol out of the workers lounge." and with prove myself, I took out a around six whiskey bottles from my coat pockets and set them on the floor in front of us. Amazing I managed to get that much here but they had so much in there, they won't notice six gone. Instantly, he took one and opened it and began to guzzle it down.

He swallowed the liquid with a disgusted face. "Geschmäcke wie Pisse. What I wouldn't give for a good, cold beer from my homeland." I took one as well and drank it slowly. "Я согласен, товарищ." I say back to him. "I would prefer a big bottle of vodka. The best is made in Russia. The stuff here is just watered down copies. Disgraceful." I took another drink. I heard Ludwig grunt as he took a couple more gulps of whiskey.

"I was just fifteen when it happened. Five years I've lived with it." He spouted randomly. As he spoke, we both took more from the bottles. "It was like a chain of events. I didn't understand it at the time. Gilbert had always gotten into trouble. I'm not saying he was all THAT bad. After all, he raised me when I was in diapers and he himself was ten at the time. But Gilbert liked to drink. And since he was twenty-five then, I guess you could say that he was ecstatic over the fact that he could legally order any alcohol that he wanted." I said nothing.

"But he got into the wrong crowd. Wouldn't you believe it, he got into a mess with the Russian mob. He didn't pay the amount he was due to them. So he needed to be punished and what better way than through a loved one such as a brother he himself had raised." I watched his hands grip the neck of the bottle tighter and his teeth clenched tight and tears were flowing freely. This was a time where I didn't get upset when he didn't look me in the eye.

"You must realize, I never told anyone this. No one else but you knows. The mob kidnapped me. They were way beyond pissed and they were at the point that not even being shot would stop them. They took me to the boss...T-There were s-s-so many of them." His body began to tremble violently. Without thinking, I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him to me and his free arm grabbed my arm tightly. So tightly, that I swear I'd get bruises the next day and with my tough skin, that was saying something.

"I-I couldn't fight them all." His voice began wavering. "T-They raped me! Those bastards raped me so many times! They broke my bones, they tortured me, and they left me to starve in a cold dark room! The only reason they let me go was because Gilbert found out and finally paid them in full! But...The money wasn't enough! They shot him! They killed him in front of me! Told me that if I went to the cops, I'd join him! When I was tossed out into the street, there was another mob boss. He too was Russian. But he was their enemy. He killed them all himself and he was kind to me. He helped me. For a year or so he tried to help me cope."He pressed his face in my chest and I held him tightly, battling my own rage at the men that tormented my Яркое Солнце. His trembling was so violent, it was a wonder he didn't shake his skin off.

"But I was so much work. I was unstable. He couldn't care for someone who was two people on the inside. I would have given away. So he had his men put me here..." Then his trembling lessened and He looked at me with his bloodshot eyes, red nose and teared face. "You know why I could forgive you so easily and why I feel so safe with you? Aside from the fact that I trust you...You look exactly like him. Down to your eyes. He had those same eyes."

I will admit that the information he just gave me was a shock to the system but not by much. I knew what he was thinking. I was not related to the man. No, all my family members are dead. "I have no living relatives, Ludwig." I spoke softly. "The only family I had left, died in a car accident two years ago. My sisters..." He stared me directly in the eye. "Won't you tell me about them?"

I shook my head. "Еще." I said. "Someday. But I am not ready." He said nothing for a long time. It seemed we looked at each other for a long while before Ludwig startled me by kissing me. My body stiffened. It was a soft but needy kiss. I sat frozen as he kissed, me, as he let go of his empty bottle and grabbed my coat to pull me to him. I tasted the alcohol. Was he drunk? No, he did not slur as he spoke nor did he wobble as he sat. He was sober. Why was he doing this.

"Ludwig." I said between the kisses he placed on my lips, oh how sweet it felt but I was not sure whether we should be doing this. "Please." I heard him beg quietly. "Please make the memories go away." His trembling returned as his left hand grabbed my crotch and I let out a startled moan. Sweat pleasure.

My body remembered how to move then and I took him and pushed him to the floor so that I was over him, looking his hair slightly array and messy, he mewled under my weight. But all I did was watch him as he squirmed under me. Both his eyes were tightly closed for a short while then he looked at me with one eye while the other remaining closed.

"Worauf warten Sie?" He asked and squirmed more. This was wrong. We should not be doing this. He's not ready...Nor am I. "We can't, Ludwig. I am not who you want." was all I gave him and went to get up when his hands grabbed my waist in a quick flash. I fell back on him and looked into his eyes that were blazing in anger and clouded in lust.

"Tun Sie nicht Sie wagen, diesen Müll auf mir zu ziehen! Ich brauche Sie in diesem Augenblick!" He growled in my ear and pushed my scarf gently down enough so it uncovered my scarred neck. But he wasn't interested in those. I groaned when I felt his tongue touch my neck. That was all he needed for me to find my hand down his boxers and gripping his erection. He arched up with a loud groan. Bending down more, I bent my head to his neck and scrapped my teeth over it.

But now his panting wasn't from pleasure. Not it was panicking. "Ivan. Please, not the neck!" He cried out desperately. Next thing I know, I got a face full of the icy blue eyes of Gilbert. "WAS DAS BUMSEN VON IHNEN TUN MEINEM BRUDER?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> -Да. Как всегда. - Yes. As always. (Russian)
> 
> -Nicht! Ich muss darüber sprechen! - No! I need to talk about this! (German)
> 
> -Geschmäcke wie Pisse - Tastes like piss (German)
> 
> -Я согласен, товарищ. - I agree, Comrade. (Russian)
> 
> -Яркое Солнце. - Shining Sun. (Russian)
> 
> -Еще. - Not yet. (Russian)
> 
> -Worauf warten Sie? - What are you waiting for? (German)
> 
> -Tun Sie nicht Sie wagen, diesen Müll auf mir zu ziehen! Ich brauche Sie in diesem Augenblick! - Don't you dare pull that garbage on me! I need you right now! (German)
> 
> -WAS DAS BUMSEN VON IHNEN TUN MEINEM BRUDER? - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY BROTHER? (German)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I remember feeling so evil at the end of this chapter.

"G-Gilbert!" I cried out in alarm and in a rush of moments, I found myself being thrown off the German who stood up, red in the face and his cold eyes glared down at me, his body shaking in anger. Pointing an accusing finger at me, his face went red in anger. "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TAKE HIM YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE?" He yelled at the top of his lungs which put both of us in danger on getting caught.

"Please, Gilbert. Please quiet down. We're going to get caught." I begged quietly on my spot on the floor as I shook in fear from his anger, hoping to get him to stop his shouting. I could hear steps of a nearby nurse. Her steps making urgent "clack, clack, clack" as she walked. The German wasn't having any of it. "NO! I WILL NOT QUIET DOWN! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE DOING TO WEST!" I was sweating now. Her steps were almost at the door.

"Gilbert!" I squeaked. "If you quiet down, I promise I will tell you everything once we're not in danger of getting caught." I tried to persuade the angry man in front of me. He crossed his arms and a snarl was on his face and his teeth were clenched. "Fine!" He snarled out. Instantly, I was on my feet and I ran passed him, grabbing his arm to drag him along, ignoring the sound of my pill container that I carried with me as it fell from my pocket. I hadn't even known it fell.

I hurried to take him to the storage closet of the art room. It was fairly empty so it should hide both Gilbert and I but only if we were close. Hugging him, I pushed us in there, me going in backwards, holding him close and I closed the doors of the closet. "LET GO OF ME BASTARD!" Gilbert hollered again once the door was secured and in my panic and with my mind racing, I held him tighter and clamped a hand to his mouth, holding firmly, ignoring as he bit his teeth into my hand, nearly drawing blood.

When the art room door opened and the sound of the nurse coming in and walking around only to stop where we had left the whiskey. He made a noise and picked up, what I could only guess, was my pill container. At this point, Gilbert stopped biting and he froze, pushing the back of his head to my chest. I squeezed my arms reassuringly and I watched in horror as a light shown through the cracks of the cabinet door where we hid and her steps got closer. The light froze at the door for a while before it left and the nurse's footsteps went out the door and down the hall until they disappeared. Gilbert's and my breathing were heavy as we released it in relief. Opening the door, I let him jump out of my arms and glaring at me.

"Ok, we're out of danger! Spill." He growled out. I sighed and gripped one end of my scarf in my fright. This man doesn't give up. "The truth is, he came on to me. I tried to stop him. But don't get me wrong. I really like-" I was interrupted before I finished by Gilbert spitting out a sentence that stung.

"WEST coming onto YOU? That's a laugh. He'd never do a thing like that! And besides, who would want a communist like you?" Then he turned and let out his odd "Kesesesese" laugh before walking out of the room and vanishing. I stood standing there. Gilbert's words hurt and they rung in my head. They hurt, but they hurt the more than normal was because Gilbert said them with Ludwig's voice. Gilbert was just a random personality. Gilbert was Ludwig, Ludwig was Gilbert. The thought hurts. The words he says hurts. How can I get over this? Was I actually feeling for another person? One that just moment's ago was another person.

My heart was sinking, stinging. I just wanted to hid away from the world. I feel like I was rejected. But yet I was not. Not by the personality that I loved anyway. Love? Where did that word come from? Going back to the place the whiskey once was (they're gone now since the nurse took them and my pills) and put my hands in my pockets and glanced sadly on the whiskey stained floor. I guess I should go to bed and prepare for the worst the next morning. I glanced at the room's clock.

Correction. Later today. Not feeling like staying up for everyone else to wake up, I went back to Arthur's and my room to get what sleep I could.

OOO

I was called to my psychiatrist's room shortly after I got dressed. I had no chance to get breakfast of to even tell Arthur where I was going since he leaves earlier than I. I stepped in the small room that looked comfortable when it really wasn't and behind the neat desk was my psychiatrist Mr. Toms. He is a short, fat man who is missing a bit of his hair and he has this look that makes you feel awkward.

It took me closing the door to get his attention. I groaned and sat on the chair in front of the desk before he could signal for me to do so. He cleared his throat. "Ivan." He said and picked up my pill container in his pointer finger and thumb and held it to where I could clearly see it. "Do you know where we found this?" Poor man. He tried to sound serious but he sounded so dull.

"What makes you think I know?" I found myself asking out of the blue. His eyebrow went up. "Well, for one thing, it has your name and prescription on it. Now unless there's another man who goes by the name of Braginski, then I would have them here as well. I bit my tongue. I must keep my anger. "That's not all. Ivan, what are you doing with alcohol. Toris told me you stopped drinking! You know they're not going to come back." He started giving me a pitying look. My blood began to boil. I wanted to punch that face off. Instead, I gave a fake smile and clenched my fists under the table.

"I know that...You really don't need to tell me." I say sadly. He looked at me, more pity. No sympathy but a lot of pity. My blood boiled more. It's times like these I wish I was with Ludwig. He makes me happy. Ludwig. He was what kept my temper in check lately. And when we were close to...When I was close to losing my virginity to another man, despite the entire situation, I felt the feeling stir again when he licked my neck. How can something so foreign feel so wonderful?

"-listening to me?"

"What?" I asked startled as my mind was torn from the memory from last night. Mr. Toms sighed. Pushing his glasses back up his nose, he repeated "What I said was, maybe it's time we talked about what happened to your sisters."

"NO!" I shouted and shot to my feet so fast that the chair I sat on fell back and crashed to the floor. "My life is MY own! You are not family! You are not even a friend! You have no business in my personal life! Вы не имеете никакого права знать все о моей жизни!" And with that, I turned and stormed out of the room, making sure to slam the door behind me.

OOO

At dinner, people kept their distances. Even Alfred, who was the very definition of "Space Invader", had enough mind to stay far away. One look at both Romano and Arthur, told them to leave me alone but they stayed nearby just in case, casually taking glances back at me to make sure I was still there. I just mainly sat there and fumed as I mortally wounded the food that was on my tray with a spoon since all I was allowed was a spoon and even that they watch so I don't break it and cut my self. Not like I needed it! Fingernails make good sharp objects if cut to a point.

A shadow fell over where I sat. At first I ignored who it was but they didn't go away. They just stood there expecting, waiting. Finally I had enough and turned to take a swing when I saw it was Ludwig. Not Gilbert. Ludwig. Instantly, my anger vanished and sadness crept in. But he held no sign of anger or depression. He just stood there with a weak smile.

"Ivan. We need to talk." Then he grabbed my hand and next thing I knew, I was being drug out of the cafeteria and down the halls to his room. The trip seemed quick. As we stepped into his room, I looked around as he locked the door behind him then he turned to face me.

"I-I don't remember what happened after you licked my neck..." He looked at the ground with his face slightly red. I watched him intently. "But I have a good idea. Gilbert took over didn't he?" I nodded and he rubbed his face before walking up to me and hugged me.

"I'm sorry. You can't imagine how sorry I am." He begged and rubbed his face into my coat affectionately before looking in my eyes. I sighed, depression apparent on my face. "It's not your fault really. Mr. Toms...The fact is, we were almost caught. But I'm the one who got into trouble. But that doesn't matter." Then I pulled him away at arms length. "Are you alright?" I asked.

He paused for a moment then nodded. "Yes. But I'm worried about you." I looked away. "I'm fine." I muttered. He just stared at me with a hard gaze before he hugged me again and turned my head to face him. "Really? Are you sure." then he leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. I did not fight this time. His lips felt sweat against mine and I kissed him back just as urgent as he did.

Wrapping my arms around his frame, I pulled both of us to a bed and allowed us to fall onto it with him resting on top of me as he ground his hips into mine. Both of us let out small moans and he mewled as I turned us so I'd be the one on top. "You sure?" He asked once again through our kissing. I groaned in need and let my gloved hands slide up his shirt and he whimpered when my hands touched sensitive places on his body.

"Please, Ivan." He begged. "Please take them off. Gloves and all." he wiggled under my weight. No hesitation as I took the gloves of along with my coat and shirt but my scarf, pants and boots stayed on. His hands ran over my torso, running over the scars that covered my body, making me shiver and his hands ran to my hair and the back of my head where he brought my head closer to his roughly.

As I gripped his shirt and nearly tore it as I roughly took it off him, he whimpered and unconsciously opened his legs and his jeans scraped against my cloth pants. Almost in sync, both out hands reached each others pants but for different reasons. Mine was to tare his off because I felt we were going to slow but he reached his in to grab me. For once, I was glad I didn't wear underwear as he gripped me and held tightly as I arched up and cried in pleasure.

Ludwig smiled and began to pump and I brought my forehead to his in my pleasure and with his other hand, he brought mine to unbutton his pants and placed my fingers to his entrance, a place I never knew men had.

"DOITSU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" The shout of Feliciano from the now open door interrupted, key in hand, us and I just wanted to bash his head into the wall and beat him senseless. Why can't we ever get a break? Ludwig was frozen on the bed, looking at the shocked and frightened Italian while I glared at the brown haired man in complete and utter hate.

"F-Feliciano! What are you doing here!" Ludwig cried and pulled his hands to him in his surprise. Without answering, the Italian looked between us and quickly turned and hurriedly slammed the door behind him. After a while, we turned to each other, fearing the mood was ruined...I was wrong when I felt my fingers were still in that one place I was starting to get shy.

He grabbed my arm. "No! We've gone too far to stop now! Ivan, I need you." He said as if reading my mind. Giving a hesitant smile, I pushed my fingers into him and he cried out. Whether it was pleasure or surprise, I did not now. Instantly, his hands went to my erection and I found my head going back to face the ceiling again.

As I thrust my fingers into him and him fondling me, our movements and cries sped up and became more urgent, wanting. Next thing I knew, the feeling of complete bliss as I felt hot liquid release from both him and I in out pants. It took a couple minutes to relax from our high and I release my fingers from him and stared in horror when I saw blood. When I had pulled my fingers out, I did not miss his face squint in pain. "Next time, if we get farther, we use lube." He groaned.

I could only nod, still in my high. His face relaxed a bit, pain still on his face, he tugged my arm and I tumbled right beside him on the bed. Both of us pant and wipe sweat from our faces.

I gave a laugh and he turned to smile. "I wonder what it's like to go all the way." I didn't even bother to keep myself from saying. Ludwig grinned. "Yeah." He flinched from the pain. "Someday. But not today." Pressing closer to him, I wrap my arm around him and slowly fell asleep. As I fell asleep, I almost missed hearing him say quietly: "Ich liebe dich."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> -Вы не имеете никакого права знать все о моей жизни! - You have no right to know all about my life! (Russian)
> 
> -Ich liebe dich. - I love you. (German)


	7. Chapter 7

"A will?" I asked from where I sat behind the glass. On the other side, Toris stood with the communication phone to his ear while I had mine to my ear. His face showed me how serious he was. "Yes, Ivan." He answered. "Your sisters combined their wills into one big one. God knows, I don't know how or why but you're due for the reading this Thursday." My hand with the phone, shook and my body stiffened. Will? Was I ready to go to the reading? Why so late? My only guess is that they fucked up the paperwork somewhere.

"Почему? Я не готов! Я действительно должен идти?"I asked with my voice wavering as I bit my lip and my body shook some more. Toris gave me a look I didn't recognize. One I wasn't used to. "Ivan, I know it's hard for you. But you won't get over this until you face it. You can't keep hiding it. Running away won't help you either-"

"Я не побежал! И я не имею ничего, чтобы скрыться!" I shouted and banged the glass hard, making it shake but not enough force was put into my strike to break it. Toris had flinched back and Megan behind me had the kind of medicine meant to subdue me. Lately, after I had been caught from the art room, the staff here had been taking extra precaution with me just like they did with Francis and Alfred.

"I-Ivan, please speak English. I know you're mad but you're in America. You need to speak English for everyone." meekly he spoke. I bit my lip in my anger. "You think this is anger, Toris? You have yet to see my anger! And what makes you think these people will let me out of here? This is worse than prison! And I hate to admit it, but I would know!"

Toris seemed to calm down. "Ivan, that was so long ago. You haven't drank anything until that incident in the art room. You were doing so well. And they will let you go if a doctor accompany us during it. It's all been arranged." He tried to reassure. I said nothing and he sighed in defeat. "Don't be like this. Neither of your sisters would want you to do this." My anger flared to the point that had this been a cartoon, my eyes could replace the brightest lights on the planet. "Закрытый! Вы не знаете ничто о том, что хотели бы мои сестры! Вы не можете возможно понять! Yekaterina был беременен! И Наталия... Бедная Наталия! Она была только семнадцать!" I blew up and Toris practically tossed the phone in his hand at the glass and he jumped a few feet away and Megan pulled out a syringe, prepared to sedate me.

Both these movements were noticed by me and my anger drained away to be replaced by an amount of sadness. Tears stung my eyes. "Let me out." I said quietly to Megan, my voice was shaking. She just stared at me with a confused, worried look. "Please." I begged, turning back to face her. "I need out of here. Please let me out." She hesitated before she went to the door and unlocked it.

The second, I heard the lock click open, I opened the door and quickly left to my room, passing Arthur who looked stunned as he spotted the river of tears flowing from my face. I passed others Such as Romano, who cursed at me as I nearly ran him over in my rush to get to my room. I was relieved that I didn't run into Alfred because his "Hero Complex" would make the situation worse. Where was Ludwig? I wanted Ludwig! Why wasn't he here?

I reached my room but I didn't stop there as I hurried to the bathroom that was connected to my room and locked the door behind me before collapsing to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and hugged them to me, burying my head in them. All the crying I was doing did not give me any relief. Not the relief I needed. But then I remembered that Arthur had a plastic toothbrush that he used for his eyebrows. That could work. He'd hate me later but I needed relief.

I stood up instantly and went to the sink and opened the medicine cabinet that also was used as a mirror. I wanted to shout in my misery. There were pills, both Arthur's and mine, all labeled. I looked around more. After all, I wanted pain, not death. Finally, I found it, hidden behind a tall empty jar. I grabbed it and brought it to the end of the sink and snapped it in half, causing the end of the half to be pointed and sharp.

Taking one of the ends, I let the other clatter to the floor, I pulled my coat off, leaving me in my black t-shirt, pants, boots, and scarf. My gloves found a place on my coat on the floor. Taking the sharp point of the brush, I brought it near my wrist and began to bring the point over my skin, my eyes rolling to look at the ceiling in the pain and my pleasure. I could sigh as relief filled my body. Blood dripped from the large cut I inflicted on myself and it rolled down my arm.

"Ivan!" Arthur banged on the door worriedly. "Ivan, unlock the door! Please let me in, Ivan!" His knocking grew more frantic. I found myself panicking. Not wanting to get caught, I rushed to turn the sink on and I tossed the piece in the garbage. "One moment." I cried weakly and put my arm under the water and fear rose in my chest. The blood just kept flowing! It wouldn't stop!

"No! I'm coming in now!" Then I heard as he fought to put a key in the lock. Damn this place and each room mate having a key for their rooms! The door was slammed open and as he caught sigh of the scene, his mouth dropped and his eyes grew. Blood covered the sink and it flowed from my arm as I tried to wash it off. Shame. A feeling I only felt nowadays when I look into Arthur's eyes when I do something he disapproves of.

"It won't stop!" I cried. My voice brought him back to reality and he leapt into action by grabbing my arm and examined it as the water washed the blood away. Pain now was my enemy at this moment as he poked around the cut.

"Stupid." I heard him mutter mainly to himself and he pulled out a first aid kit from the cabinet from under the sink before he turned the water up. I wasn't aware of much he did but I do remember watching him wrapping my wrist with a silence which was more frighting than the incident. It was at that point that I was afraid to speak to him. But as I sat on the toilet as he finished up with my arm, my head was bowed, me looking at the floor.

"This might need stitches." He said with his eyes and voice hard as stone. I dared to glance at those furious, emerald eyes. They were hard but they held warmth. He was mad, but he cared. "I'm sorry." I whispered. He snorted then bent down a bit and grabbed my arms and looked me in the eye.

"What exactly were you bloody thinking? Why did you do that? I need to know." The last part was pleading. I looked away. I didn't want Arthur. "I want Ludwig." I cried softly. Arthur sighed when he realized that I wasn't going to look at him anymore tonight. He stood to full height. "I'll go get him. Don't do anything stupid. We are talking about this later." he warned and stormed out.

I don't know how long I sat there with my head in my hands but Ludwig did come in. I looked into his eyes to make sure. It was Ludwig, not Gilbert. "Ivan." He whispered quietly as he got on his knees beside me and held me, my face going into his shoulder and my arms wrapped around his smaller frame, ignoring the sting on my arm. I began to sob once again the second my face touched the cloth on his shoulder.

"What happened? What caused this?" He asked in a soft coo and one of his hands held the back of my head comfortingly. "They want me to be there when they read the will of my sisters." I cried. "I don;t want to go. I can't..." He shushed me soothingly and just held me. "Everything will be alright. I'm here now." My grip on him tightened. "They were all I had left besides you. Don't leave me." His cheek touched the top of my head.

"I'm not going anywhere." He cooed. "I'm right here for you. Ich liebe dich." As my sobbing lessened, I looked up to him, our eyes meeting. "What does that even mean?" I ask more to myself. I watched as his face reddened slightly. "It's German for 'I love you.'" He answered and bit his lip.

My heart jumped with happiness. He loved me? Really? "I love you too." slipped from my mouth. And I meant it. I loved this German boy so very much. He gave a smile and I felt his hands grip my shirt. I gave a sudden weak laugh. "I love you." I repeated. "And you love me too." He gave a chuckle and I felt his body shake. That's when I took my chance and kissed him and he kissed back. Ironic isn't it? I'm the one kissing him first rather than the other way around.

His hands rubbed my back gently. I smiled as we made out. No matter how messed up our relationship may be, I didn't mind it. After all. We loved each other. And to those who don't approve of us two men kissing, suck it assholes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> -Почему? Я не готов! Я действительно должен идти? - Why? I'm not ready! Do I really have to go? (Russian)
> 
> -Я не побежал! И я не имею ничего, чтобы скрыться! - I'm not running! And I have nothing to hide! (Russian)
> 
> -Закрытый! Вы не знаете ничто о том, что хотели бы мои сестры! Вы не можете возможно понять! Yekaterina был беременен! И Наталия... Бедная Наталия! Она была только семнадцать! - Shut up! You know nothing about what my sisters would have wanted! You can't possibly understand! Yekaterina was pregnant! And Natalia...Poor Natalia! She was only seventeen! (Russian)


	8. Chapter 8

I sat in my English class with a dark look. Warning. I had been put on warning. I blame Arthur for dragging me to the nurse to get stitches and because the nurse gave me stitches, she had to report it to the people in charge, which in turn put me on warning. Because of that, I had to wear a specialized collar that signified about the warning and the thing wouldn't come off!

I growled quietly and scratched behind the collar. The only good thing that came from this was still being allowed to wear my scarf. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to wrap it around my neck, other wise it would cover the damn collar. At first, when it first got put on me, I thought nothing of it. But as I passed people, they would look at me in horror and pity as they backed away from me. Thinking it was because they had heard about what I did, I began to isolate myself.

But Arthur came. He came to be near me. I didn't want him here but I said nothing as he sat in his original seat beside me, not facing me. "I heard about the warning." He said with a raspy voice. I looked at him with a cold look. He looked ill which made my concern outweigh my displeasure of seeing the Englishman. After all, the man was my best friend...Only friend and he supported Ludwig and I. Was I being to harsh? Or was my bitterness to the man justified?

"Are you alright?" His head snapped up to my gaze at the sound of my voice. "Yes I am. Why do you ask?" Questioningly, he raised an eyebrow. I look him over. He was not alright. He was pale and shivering like he was in the Antarctic in the nude. His lips were a bright red. No, his lips were the right color. His skin on the other hand was like snow. "Do not lie to me Arthur. I know when someone's sick." my lips tightened in a hard line.

He sputtered for a bit before sighing and went to speak when he was interrupted. "Je suis désolé mais avez-vous dit qu'Ivan en avertissement ? Comme l'avertissement ? Oh mon pauvre russe. Je me sens fautif ainsi pour vous." Francis cried as he ran up to us and placed a hand on my shoulder dramatically. I stared at him blankly.

"I'm afraid I did not catch a word of what you said." I said with a nervous smile and tried to shake the Frenchman's hand off me. His hands went to his face and he gaped. "You do not know about what happens if you get past the warning?" He shouted, causing the class to look at us for a bit before turning back to what they were doing when they saw that it was Francis.

Nervously, I responded with "No, I just don't know what you said. You were speaking French." But I was ignored as he continued on. "They will lock you away! Throw you in a tacky straight jacket! If they let you out, you'll still be wearing it! You'll be the shame of the place! Not being able to use your arms for months or possibly longer!" Arthur coughed in his fist before shivering more. His coughing was harsh and rough. This really worried me and even Francis stopped talking to look at him in concern.

"Arthur. Maybe you should go to the nurse. They can help." Francis suggested softly and he wrung his hands. The Englishman nodded in response. "You know. I think I might just do that. Let Antonio know where I had gone will you? And DON'T tell Alfred." Then he got up and panted as he hobbled out of the room with Francis and I watching as he left.

As he disappeared out the door, Francis look at me in all seriousness. "Don't be fooled." He whispered. "He tells Alfred everything that's wrong with him. I would know. Alfred is my room mate. Don't get me wrong, the man knows when and when not to tell about things. If you want information on Arthur, Alfred is your best bet." Then he stalked off. It seemed that he knew a little more than what I did but apparently, he wasn't willing to tell. From the look on his face, was Arthur's condition really THAT bad?

I didn't want to admit it before. But my concern and worry for my room mate was nagging my mind. Maybe speaking to the obnoxious American would be a wise move.

OOOO

"Alfred." I called to the man in the hall way just before he passed me. At first, he didn't know who called him but he spotted me soon enough and strides up to me with a goofy smile on his face. But his eyes were not how they normally were. His eyes were troubled. "Hey, big guy! What can the hero help you with?" Then he struck a small pose. Rolling my eyes, I leaned closer to him but held a certain distance between us.

"I want to know what is wrong with my room mate, Arthur." I saw his smile weaver until it dropped completely in defeat. "Listen, man. I don't want any trouble. But lately, he's been getting weak. He's been complaining about a pressure in his chest. Lately he told me it was hurting him. We thought at first that it was his medicine until he almost had that seizure. Whatever he has, it doesn't like the medication." He explained quietly as he put his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket. I thought back. For all the time I've seen him, he hadn't shown a slight hint of feeling sick until today.

"Why? Why did he not tell anyone? Show anyone?" I ask mainly to myself as my voice held betrayal. Did he not trust me enough? Alfred looked away. "Iggy is stubborn like that. He's like me in a way, we hate to show weakness. The only way Francis got even a hint was that he pretty much made it his business to figure out what was wrong. After all, he was the signs before any of us." Then he bit his lip and his eyes watered but no tears fell.

'He's trying to be strong.' I thought. "Everyone here and I mean EVERYONE knew someone who died some way or some how. Francis knows what's wrong but he won't tell. He just says 'I pray that I'm wrong! Please let me be wrong this once!' I don't know what to do! I'm the hero! I should know what to do! If I knew what would have happened, maybe I could save him. Is it possible?" He rants. My sisters flashed into my mind at his words. In my mind, the visions go from us three laughing and smiling to a sudden flash of them mangled in the car, nearly unrecognizable.

"I know how you feel, comrade." I whispered softly. "I know how you feel." I repeated.

OOOO

"Are you ever going to tell me why you asked me here?" Ludwig yawned and rubbed his eye. The man was still in his pajamas and his hair was messy but not in the 'Gilbert' kind of way. More of the 'You just got me out of bed for this?' kind of way.

I didn't answer. It was in the middle of the night and Arthur hadn't come to the room. I had been so worried, that I had called Ludwig here. I needed someone I can trust. When I didn't respond, he looked at me with his tired eyes. "Is it about your sisters?" He asked cautiously, knowing that they were another sensitive topic for me. I shook my head slowly. "Arthur hasn't come back." I said as if I was in a faraway place.

Ludwig hugged me from the side. "It will be OK. He'll be fine. You'll see. Sooner or later, he will come though that door with that disgusting cup of tea as always." He said, trying to cheer me up. "He's sick. I can't help him like I couldn't save my sisters." my voice was weak and shaky. Was it even real anymore?

Ludwig's gaze did not leave me. "What happened to your sisters? Tell me. Trust me." He pressed his body close to me and whispered in my ear. With a soft kiss to my eat, he held me by my shoulders comfortingly. I grew stiff. Was I ready to tell? Did I really trust my German boy? I took a look at him and he gave a patient smile. Yes...I do trust him.

"My little sister and I got into a bad fight that day. Natalia was her name. After she got over her phase of obsessing over me, she started dating." I looked back at him. His posture said that he was paying the utmost attention. So I continued. "She started dating this man I knew who tended to date rape the women he dated. When I found out, I cornered him in an ally and beat him black and blue with a rusty pipe until he was barely conscious. I had told him that if he ever did that to any woman again, especially my sister, I would kill him but only after I made him beg for death and to show him what he'd been doing to those women only I wouldn't use the drug to lesson the effects." I began to wring my hands tightly around my scarf.

"He ended the relationship when he got out of the hospital saying that there was no way he'd date a girl with a psycho for a brother. Last I heard of him, he was doing time in a prison in Novgorod. The place I was born in was Moscow. That's also where we lived. My big sister, Katyusha raised both Natalia and I all our lives. Her husband had died earlier that year and she was depressed. She also wasn't feeling well so after Natalia's and my fight, she wanted to bring Natalia along to speak to her during her trip to the hospital." Ludwig 'hmmm'ed and nodded for me to continue.

"They were heading back. It was dark and the ice covered the road. A truck driver had slipped on the ice and was sliding at an alarming speed." Here tears streamed down my face but my eyes were blazing in rage at the memory of when I found out who the driver was. "He ended up crashing into them and both my sisters were impaled by sharp poles of metal, dying instantly. They felt no pain but as they had gone, I wish they hadn't seen the truck before they died. They were so happy in the car. I had gotten the news the next morning. I didn't even bother getting into my car, I just ran to the hospital, not stopping. They wanted me to see if the bodies was familiar. I was so upset, I ran out of there after giving my answer, only to come face to face with the rapist's brother. The whole lot of them were horrible people! Doing everything they could to hurt everyone. I went to the bar later that day. I couldn't help it. I had drunk so much. The word 'Drunk' was an understatement on what I was at that point. I don't know much. I just know that I had gotten my small pistol and went to the truck drivers house. I sat and waited for him to come home. And when he did, I shot him. Right in the head. He saw my face. He knew who I was...and he knew what I was after."

That's then I started to hyperventilate, realization of what I had done two years ago hitting me full force. Ludwig felt my unease and he held onto me tightly. "О, Бог! Я выстрелил его! Я выстрелил его хладнокровно! Было так много красноты! Так много крови!" I pressed my face into my hands and pushed my face to his chest. He was a bit uneasy but relaxed and held me tighter.

"The police were there on patrol. They heard the shot! I thought I'd never get out of prison! It was so cold! I was so alone! I was so scared! I never wanted to go back!"

"Hush, Ivan. It's over. You're out. And you're in America. They can't take you back. Not now." He cooed. He only coos when he's trying to comfort me. He rocked me for a bit so I'd calm down. When I did get my breathing under control, I took another look in his eyes. "How did you come into custody to that man I saw leave?" He asks me when he sees I'm calm.

"Toris?" I said in a daze. "He's really my uncle. When he heard that I had no one to care for me now that I was out of prison, he took me in. He's been trying to care for me for so long. When I moved here and became a citizen, it didn't take a genius to see how bad the economy was here. And him working at a fast food place, he struggled trying to put me through school. But I hated it there. Everyone looked at me as if I was the most horrible person ever. I could have sworn there would have been another Cold War just in that class alone. One of the teachers were the first to see my scars. Then he confronted Toris. That's how I got here." Ludwig was rubbing my back. My eyes were drooping in my exhaustion. When he saw that, Ludwig laid me down on the bed and went to get up when I grabbed his arm.

"Stay. Please." I begged. No further words were needed when he crawled under the covers with me.

OOO

Feeling better, I strode outside. It was early still and Art (my first class) didn't stat until a couple hours. I wasn't necessarily the most positive person right now but I was a bit better by telling Ludwig what happened. I was heading to the bench where Arthur and I usually sat at on our breaks but I stopped when I spotted at the base of a tree near the spot, Francis was curled in a ball and crying with Alfred sitting near him, trying to console him. Now this was peculiar. I ran up to them, wanting to know what was wrong.

As I stopped in front of them, Alfred looked me in the eyes and I felt I didn't even need to ask. "Arthur's in the hospital. And not this one. He's in the hospital down the street. They think he has heart cancer." He answered my unspoken question silently. "What?" I cried in alarm. Arthur has cancer? No! That can't be right! It just can't! Not Arthur!

"Non! Aucun Dieu, s'il vous plaît pas! Pas de nouveau! Pas Arthur! Pas Arthur! Pas celui j'aime! S'il vous plaît!" Francis cried in his hands as he rocked from where he was on the ground. Alfred looked at me worriedly then turned back to Francis. "Hey, buddy. They're not saying he has it. They just think it. They didn't even do any tests yet." He tried to reassure but that only made the Frenchman cry louder.

"All the signs were there! I had hoped I was wrong! It's like my daughter all over again! I can't handle it! Je ne peux pas perdre une autre personne que j'aime!" He shouted to the sky, going from English to French. My mind was reeling. No...Not again. I was going to lose another and I couldn't even save them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> -Je suis désolé mais avez-vous dit qu'Ivan en avertissement ? Comme l'avertissement ? Oh mon pauvre russe. Je me sens fautif ainsi pour vous. - I am sorry but did you say that Ivan in warning? As the warning? Oh my poor Russian. I feel faulty so for you. (French)
> 
> -О, Бог! Я выстрелил его! Я выстрелил его хладнокровно! Было так много красноты! Так много крови! - Oh, God! I shot him! I shot him in cold blood! There was so much red! So much blood! (Russian)
> 
> -Non! Aucun Dieu, s'il vous plaît pas! Pas de nouveau! Pas Arthur! Pas Arthur! Pas celui j'aime! S'il vous plaît! - No! No God, please no! Not again! Not Arthur! Not Arthur! Not the one I love! Please! (French)
> 
> -Je ne peux pas perdre une autre personne que j'aime! - I can't lose another person I love! (French)


	9. Chapter 9

"Ernstlich, Ivan." Ludwig groaned and arched from his position under me as I slowly and gently pounded into him. He let another groan and wrapped his legs around my waist. "Must you move so slow? Harder." My hands grabbed the sheets beside him as I let a shaky breath. With a possessive growl, I lean to his neck and bite. He let out a squeal and arched once again. That was when I picked up the pace. No longer was I concerned whether or not I hurt him. My hands let go of the sheets and I ended up putting all my weight on him and grabbed his waist.

Both of us made grunts, groans, and moans in our pleasure and the bed squeaked with each thrust. Ludwig's hands soon reached around to my back and I was sure that he left marks with his nails as I left my own marks on his bare waist. My speed picked up as I felt the need build up until finally, the bliss I was once again. I could feel the inside of him crush me as was a sign of his peak. Sweat poured off our skin as our hearts thudded in out chests and our pants were heavy and rugged. Slowly and reluctantly, I slid out of the German who whimpered and rolled to the side of him so I did not crush him as I had done earlier.

The room was cold on our skin. Each turning to the other, Ludwig cuddled into me and I wrapped my arms around him. "Mmmm...Good." he purred as he nuzzled into my chest and wiggled a bit before settling. I smiled and gave a kiss to the smaller man's temple and pulled the covers over us. Before I slept, I couldn't help but think that I probably should go back to my room before Feliciano came in on us. But my mind wondered to Arthur's empty bed that would remain empty for a good while if forever. I sighed and rested my chin on the top of his head and allowed my head to sink into the pillow. Feliciano can have my bed. I couldn't bear to sleep in my room without the Englishman.

OOOO

"Has there been any word on Arthur?" I asked Francis in English. He was gripping a single rose so tightly that I thought it would break in his hands. He shook his head weakly. "No. Well...Yes actually. His condition had gotten a bit serious. His lips were starting to turn blue and he was having trouble breathing. They don't know what stage he's in. All they said was they caught it pretty early. They think they can do surgery to replace the part that has the cancer but..." He dropped off for a moment to bite his tongue.

"There are high risks. There are higher complications with heart cancer. If they don't think surgery would work, they're going to do radiation. You know, my daughter had heart cancer. Only a month out of the womb." The rose snapped now. "You mentioned you had a daughter. Tell me. It will make you feel better." I cooed, a technique I got from Ludwig. He gave me a small laugh but he frowned once again.

"It was last year. I had just turned seventeen. Arthur and I were drunk. I never told him. He didn't know. I was waiting for the right time. He knew I had a daughter. But he never knew she was his. Every time I went to tell him, I backed out. She was the most perfect baby I had ever seen." He held his hands out as if he was holding a precious vase. But his breathing became heavy and I gripped his arm reassuringly.

"Take your time." I said. It took a while, but he managed to get his breathing back to a regular rate. "She was so small. Too small to do anything. She died...She was so little...Ma petite Aimee. Elle était juste un bébé." He placed his face in his hands. I raised an eyebrow.

"Y-You were pregnant? But you're a man. And you're daughter's name was, Aimee?" I questioned. He barked out a laugh. "Sometimes I question that fact myself. I don't know how it happened. And yes." He took out a locket and opened it before smiling at the picture lovingly.

"Aimee. Her name means 'Loved'. Yes, she was loved dearly." Then he showed me the picture of a baby girl. I didn't say this to him, but she looked a bit squished. But she looked pretty in her small pink outfit.

"She is cute...Have you known Arthur that long?" I ask as he hid the locket back under his shirt. He smiled weakly. "We've known each other since we were five really. Back then, he was the biggest brat you could ever hope to find." Then he gave a laugh as his eyes clouded like he was lost in a memory. With my mind reeling at the thought of a man getting pregnant, I let him live in his memory and brought my hand to bite my gloved fingers unconsciously.

If it happened to Francis, does that mean it could happen to Ludwig? Or was there just something special about Francis that neither of us knew about? I looked around the room and spotted Romano sitting next to Feliciano who apparently was looking at me. How long had he been in this class? I couldn't help but wonder. As soon as he saw that I had caught him, his face shot down to look at his desk. Romano looked at him with a mix of boredom and anger as he shouted his typical insult of "BASTARD!"

I turned back to the front of the class when Antonio came in the room.

OOO

I couldn't help but lean face first against the fence as I poked mu fingers through the holes and hung on. I looked as people passed on the other side, missing that life where I could wonder the streets and just ignore all around me. I held the fence tighter. Is this how Ludwig feels when he looks out to the other side of the fence just as I was? He doesn't know that I catch him doing it. Even when he was Gilbert, I would catch him looking out there, longing to be free again.

I wanted to be able to eat when I wanted. I wanted to go to school with the other students. Even if they were pains in the ass, they at least made things lively. This place was like a graveyard most of the time. I sighed and watched as people and cars pass. A kid passed with a hand holding to her mother's hand. As they stopped so her mother could look in a clothing window, the girl spotted me and stared. I found myself staring back, momentarily thinking of Natalia when she was that little and clinging to me as Katyusha took us out to town.

At first, she just stared at me as she licked her vanilla ice cream. I couldn't help but lick my lips. That kind of cold treat is just one of the things I missed the most. We weren't serve anything but peanut butter snacks. I cursed inwardly at the horrid object. It was something I could not eat due to my peanut allergy.

Movement from the girl caught my attention away from the horrid things they call a treat and I saw her tug on her mother's shirt. He mother looked down at her and smiled. Then the girl pointed at me and spoke. Her mother turned around and spotted me. Her mother's smile fell and quickly, she grabbed her daughter's hand before dragging the confused child off. I eyes drooped in my realization. Of course. Her daughter was too little to understand what an asylum was. The little girl was too innocent to understand that there were crazy people in the world.

"It hurts doesn't it." Ludwig's voice sounded behind me. I didn't need to see him to see the hurt he felt.  
"It happens all the time. They don't care about us. They don't care about the fact that we're being force fed medicine that doesn't even work. They don't even care that we're unhappy here." I could tell he was crying with the way his voice shook.

I turned and my heart sank at how sad he looked. His fists were at his sides and they were clenched. His eyes were watering and tears flowed down his cheeks to fall off his chin. "Ludwig?" I asked softly. His head shot up to face me. "I don't like it here! I want to go home! I want my brother back! I shouldn't be here! I'm not crazy! I'm not sick! I'm just as normal at the next person dammit!" I held my arms out and he practically fell into them as I embraced the broken man. "No one here is crazy, Мое Солнце." I buried my face in his hair and felt tears sting my eyes. Smiling and crying are what anyone seemed to be doing now a days. His hands grabbed my collar but they did not yank it.

"I hate that you have to wear this! I hate that if you do anything they hate, you get put in a straight jacket! You're not crazy! You have problems but you're not crazy!" He babbled and he let go of the collar to hold onto my shirt. I wish I could have worn my coat but the temperature was just too hot.

"It's okay, Ludwig." I spoke soothingly. But no matter how much I said that, I knew it wasn't true. It seemed like this place was making it worse. "No it's not, Ivan!" He roared. "It's not okay! Nothing's okay anymore! I love you, Ivan! If anything happens to you, I don't know what to do!" Fighting off my urge to cry out, I took his head and placed it close to me so he could cry on me.

"I love you too, Ludwig. More than anything else. But you have to stay alive. Stay strong. Don't let them see your pain. Don't let them know that they're hurting you. But also, don't be so bitter. Other wise, they'll be winning." Was I saying this to him or myself? "If they see you're sadness, they revile in the fact they made you shed a tear."

"Ivan." He cried vulnerably. "I want to go home." I hugged him closer to my body and rested my face in his hair. "As do I, Ludwig...As do I." And in a rocking motion, I attempted to calm the distraught man. Taking in as much comfort in this as much as I could. How many others felt this? Did Francis? Arthur maybe? Perhaps even Alfred. Or was Ludwig and I all alone in this feeling?

Will I ever get an answer?

OOOO

"Ivan, you haven't been taking your medicine. The nurses say that they found some of your capsules in the trash. Please tell me why exactly that is?" Mr. Toms scolded as he pushed his glasses up on his nose. I said nothing. All I did was stare with my childish smile. Normally, this look would be hidden behind my scarf but with this collar on, I was not allowed to wrap it around my face. The only reason I was allowed to keep it on was because it was a "trigger for my anxiety" as they so kindly put it.

Mr. Toms sighed and got up from his chairs while holding my pill container in his hands. He strutted up to me and placed a chubby hand on my shoulder while putting the container up near my face. "These are to help you, Mr. Braginski. They are not to hinder you. How long has this been going on and why have you been refusing to take them?"

I looked at him with my childish face. "It is simple really. I will not take what I clearly do not need." I responded innocently and he rubbed his nose where his glasses sat. "You do need them, Ivan. It's what's keeping you from having one of your 'fits'." He spoke as he took the container away from my face before continuing.

"And what happens when you go into one of your fits with Ludwig or any of the others? You are so easy to set off and many of the patients here tend to poke at people, metaphorically speaking." My innocent look was wavering. Did he know about Ludwig and me? How? We were so careful! Apparently he spotted the small movement on my part because he kept on.

"Ludwig too goes into one of his fits. Especially Gilbert. So far, you have been good for him and he's grown attached to you. Maybe a little too attached because recently, he's been following your lead. If you go into one of your fits, you could easily provoke his and where would either of you be? It may come to the point where we'll have to separate you two." Oh, wrong move, Mr. Toms. A very stupid wrong move. Quick as a flash, I had Mr. Toms by the shirt and lifted off the ground as I stood up with us face to face. My eyes were blazing and my blood boiled.

"Не делайте Вы смеете инсинуировать, что я травмировал бы Ладвига! И не делайте Вас, даже думают об отделении нас обособленно! Вы не будете убирать меня от человека, которого я люблю!" I roared and spat at him. His face paled and he shook. I was so blinded in my anger that I didn't see him reach in his jacket pocket.

"Now, now, Ivan!" He stuttered. "No need to get angry. Just calm down now." He whimpered patheticly. "Нет! Я не буду успокаиваться! Вся моя жизнь, кто - то был взят из меня, не буду ли это, быть смертью или иначе, я терять другой!" I roared once again.

But that was as far as I got when the door was banged open and many men in white suits burst in the room. Immediately, I dropped Mr. Toms on the floor and turned to them at the door, desperate to escape from the sudden intrusion. Next thing I knew, there was a sharp sting in my leg and my hand immediately went to where the sting was coming from and I pulled out a dart. A tranquilizer? I dropped the dart as my body suddenly felt heavy and I swayed on my feet. The feeling in my body left rapidly and it felt all the energy I had was being drained from my body as my eyes closed and I fell to the floor with a thud.

OOOO

I woke up to a pounding head. I went to place a hand on my head when I noticed my arms wouldn't move. Or rather, they were being kept from moving. Opening my eyes, I saw that I was in a white cushy room and I was in a white jacket that wrapped my arms around my body and the sleeves were attached to the back. My breathing grew rapid as realization dawned on me.

No! This couldn't be happening! Not to me! I looked up to the small barred window near the ceiling. Aside from the window, there was only a bed and a door that had two slots. One for there they could slip a food tray in and another where people could look through. Looking at myself, I noticed they took my scarf and my boots. Maybe my gloves as well. I struggled against the jacket I was forced to wear. Where was my scarf? I needed my scarf! That scarf was all I had of my sisters! Where was it?

I gave up my struggling shortly after I accepted the fact that I could not get out. I leaned against the squishy white wall and I slowly slid down and began to cry. My only thoughts being my scarf and Ludwig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> -Ma petite Aimee. Elle était juste un bébé. - My little Aimee. She was just a baby. (French)
> 
> -Мое Солнце. - My Sun. (Russian)
> 
> -Не делайте Вы смеете инсинуировать, что я травмировал бы Ладвига! И не делайте Вас, даже думают об отделении нас обособленно! Вы не будете убирать меня от человека, которого я люблю! - Don't you dare insinuate that I would hurt Ludwig! And don't you even think of separating us apart! You will not take me away from the man I love! (Russian)
> 
> -Нет! Я не буду успокаиваться! Вся моя жизнь, кто - то был взят из меня, не буду ли это, быть смертью или иначе, я терять другой! - No! I will not calm down! All my life, someone's been taken from me, whether it be death or otherwise, I will not lose another! (Russian)


	10. Chapter 10

Out of all the situations I have been in, this one seemed like the worst out of them all. If it weren't for the occasional visits from Ludwig, Francis and a couple other people, I think I would have gone mad in here. The days went by and I kept count from when I saw the light come from the window. I do not know how many days had passed but I know I was in here over a week. The meals brought to me by the security officer (who turned out to be Berwald Oxenstierna who I had reasons to believe he took the job against his will). The food itself was worse than before. I might as well be eating applesauce...which was pretty much all they gave me. They must have laced my food with the powder from the medicine that Arthur tried to get me to take.

I just felt so tired after every time I ate it which was followed by motion sickness. Ludwig stood at the door, glancing through the slot on the door. He was dancing nervously on one foot to the other. "Ivan...Please speak to me...You've been in here for four months...You never talk to me anymore. Did I do something wrong?" Finally I lifted my tired head to look at the door where I saw his eyes in the slot.

"No, Ludwig. You did nothing wrong." The exhaustion was clear in my voice. He looked at me in question. "I'm just so tired right now." I gave a huff of air and a long yawn broke from me which proved my case. He gave a quiet whine which I almost missed. "I heard the doctors talking. You have been so good, that they are thinking about letting you out tomorrow. But they won't take you out of that jacket until they are sure you won't attack anyone." Then he bit his lip and it bled. "Not that I think you did or anything." He said hurriedly and I gave a reassuringly smile.

"Oh, but I did attack someone. Mr. Toms." He looked alarmed. "B-But why did you do that? That's the reason you were put in here so long." Then he leaned heavily against the door. I barked a laugh much like Francis. "He wanted to take you away from me. He was going to separate us because in a way, he thinks I'm the reason you refuse to take your pills." I watched Ludwig's eyes shift.

"At first, yes. Gilbert hadn't popped up in a while and I had thought I was getting better. But then I found out they put you in here and he just...He made a mess of things. The other reason is that Shortly when I snapped back, I got sick. I don't think Gilbert ate anything while he had taken over. It was just a sudden sickness and I puked right there." His face blushed. "I-It was a surprise for me when I found out."

I stared at him long and hard. "Are you sick? Were you sick?" I asked. Was it me or was I speaking slowly? Hmm...Maybe that's just me. His blush deepened. "Well...I didn't go to the nurse until now...I had noticed something off about me last night. You do know that I work out a bit and how I never seem to gain weight?" He asked. I cautiously nodded. Where exactly was he going with this?

His hands gripped the bars of the eye slot. "I had gained nearly ten pounds...Or around there at least. It seemed as if it had happened over night. When I saw the bulge in my stomach...I panicked. Feliciano was giving me a strange look when I told him I was going to the nurse. He said only two words. 'Don't go.' Which I must admit, is odd on his case. He's normally is all up for me going to the nurse."

I cocked my head and Ludwig looked lost in thought as he spoke. "Come to think of it, he has been acting odd as of late. He's not so cheery and carefree as he usually is. Recently, when He found out I was heading to the nurse, he got paranoid to the point he would freak out if I was not where he could see me." The cloud in Ludwig's eyes vanished as he once again looked back to me. "I don't know how he knew but I understand why he's like this now."

This was the point where I started to get agitated with Ludwig. He was beating around the bushes. "Ludwig, I am not in the mood to guess. Please tell me what is wrong with you." The annoyance in my voice was clear and he began to shift positions from one foot to the other. "I found out that I was pregnant." He squeaked. I nearly toppled over flat on the ground when I heard that. "You're gonna be a dad, Ivan." Dad? Me? I never had a father of my own. How can I be sure I am ready to parent a child? Especially in this place.

I inwardly snorted. This isn't exactly the perfect place to birth a baby. Oh, sweet baby Jesus! A child! Birth? I have to get us out of here! Who knows what could happen! "Ivan?" Ludwig meekly asked nervously. Looking up into those electric blue eyes, I knew instantly what I should do. I got up with some struggle and staggered to the door and placed my mouth against the eye slot.

"I love you Ludwig. I will love this child. Do not worry. I will protect you. Kiss me?" It was such a joy to see the fear fade from him and adoration take it's place. Leaning forward, our lips met. Yes, I had to think of a plan. Problem was, could I come up with one before nine months? Or in this case, five? Well, whatever it will be, I mustn't tell Ludwig. He doesn't need the stress.

OOOO

Ludwig left not so long ago. It took me a long time to persuade him to go eat in the lunch area but he finally had disappeared down the hall. Now I sat in this room in my usual corner, thinking. Wondering what the best way to get out of here without being caught. What was the right time?

"Psst! Ivan!" Looking up, I saw the eye slot open and Feliciano's eyes came into view. "Feliciano?" I questioned out loud. "SHHH!" He shushed hurriedly while waving his hands frantically. "Not so loud! We could be heard!" He cried quietly. "What do you want, little Italian?" I asked him with a touch of suspicion, remembering what Ludwig had told me earlier. "Ve~~ I know about you and Ludwig. I know he's pregnant. I want to help get him out of here." He said very seriously and my look hardened. But he returned it with a scowl.

"Look, he's my best friend. I honestly don't care who he's with but I don't want him hurt." He placed a hand to his chest in a very feminine way. I snorted. "What could you possible do to help?" I asked. He smirked in an evil way that could almost rival my own.

"Ve~~ Where do you think all the preservable food had vanished off to? What about supplies? I've been stalking up, Il mio piccolo russo. No one even knew it was me. I am very skilled with gathering. You let me help, and I can supply you with anything you'd need." He said darkly. My eyes grew in shock at the tone that the smaller Italian used but then my mind clicked. Something about the way he said "Gathering" made me think that it wasn't just supplies he could gather.

"Good at gathering did you say?" I asked calmly and a light in his eyes shown that he was pleased that I had gotten his hint. "Okay. I do need supplies. How many hands could you gather before five months?" I ask and his head cocked slightly to one side. "That depends on what kind and how many. After all, hands are not easy to come by. Nor are they a willing safe product." I gave a dark grin in response.

"Oh, as long as they can withstand under pressure and can take care of themselves. After all, we want them fresh and able." He nodded and he turned back to his happy self again with his usual sweet smile. "Ve~~ I will get to work on that right away." Then he turned and skipped away. Had I not seen it for my very eyes, I would think that he was the dumbest person here.

OOO

"Wake up, Russian. Your lunch is ready." Berwald said as he slid the usual applesauce in on the tray before he looked through the eye slot with the dead, non existing expression on his face. I sighed and bent down and reluctantly took a large bite of the food when I paused. The taste was off. This was sweet and untouched unlike the other bits of this stuff that I had before. There was no medicine in it.

I looked at him in questioning but his look had not changed. "Know this, Russian. I can not help you anymore than this. Nor can I leave this place. It is the only place I had really had to live. Without it, I would be back in Sweden on the streets." Then his voice lowered. "At midnight sharp, they lock the front gates and they leave them unguarded. If you can get passed that point, you're free. But be warned, the only one who has ever made it out of here alive was many years ago. A boy who was Russian just like you, with those same eyes." My eyes squinted. How many people around here knew of people with eyes like mine?

His eyes shifted quickly. "Watch out for Big Mattie, the leader of the pack of dogs. He's the meanest." With all that, he turned and walked away, leaving me to stare at where he once stood. Now all I had to do was find away to get out of this jacket.

"After all." I gave another evil and dark smirk. "It would be rude for the host of the party to be wearing such unruly clothing." Then I let out the darkest laugh I had ever done in my life.

OOO

I did indeed get out the next day but I was kept in this straight jacket for whatever reason or another. When I got out, I had expected to be greeted by Ludwig's happy, smiling face. But I didn't. I did meet Ludwig alright but he wasn't happy or smiling. He was letting out screams and cries as Feliciano, Alfred, Romano and Francis surrounded him. I quickly pushed my was through and there in the center of the crowed was Ludwig curled in a ball with his hands clutching his midsection.

"Ludwig!" I yell and bend down to him and nudged him gently with my shoulder. "Ludwig! Tell me what is wrong! Is the baby alright? Are you alright?" I ask frantically. But Ludwig didn't respond. Instead he latched onto me like I was his lifeline. I took a good look at him. His skin was pale and it almost looked like his hair had lost its luster.

"What's wrong with him?" I growled and sneered at those in the group. Francis was the the one to respond. "We don't know. We just found him like this." That's when Ludwig grabbed my faced and cried in a hurried panic. "They know! They want to kill our baby! Ivan, don't let them hurt it!"

I didn't need to think long and hard to find out what he meant. Those damn doctors wanted to Ludwig to abort! How was I to handle this? Feliciano proved to be a secret killer. He seemed fierce when in that mode. I look at him and our eyes connected. I watched him nod, the evil spark back what I saw yesterday.

I turned back to Ludwig and nuzzeled him. "Don't worry, Ludwig. I will not let them. Feliciano will watch over you." As much as I hated to say it, I wasn't in any position to do it myself. "I will too! After all, I'm the hero!" Alfred shouted and made a pose. "Oui, j'irai faire aussi." Francis cried out and made a fist. "I lost one child while I was here, I will not let another one die."

"I too will help assist. As well as Yao." Kiku spoke up from behind us, making us all jump slightly. Yao nodded from beside him. "Yes, we will assists, Aru."

"Pardon me." A quiet voice echoed beside us. "I will help you in any way I can." It was Matthew. "Hey, Mattie!" Alfred cried out happily. "When did you get here?" Matthew sighed. "I was already here." Romano nodded to me. "I will come along, just to make sure my-IDIOT brother is alright. I will see if I can get that-TOMATO BASTARD, Antonio to join us." He said. Feliciano held out a phone that I have good reasons to believe, he stole. "Ve~~ I know a few people outside the building. They will help in anyway it can." Ludwig still was crying only this time, he had a smile on his face as he clung to me. We had the people, Ludwig was now being watched over, now all I have to worry about...

…...Is how the fuck we get out of here. Ugh...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> -Il mio piccolo russo. - My little Russian. (Italian)
> 
> -Oui, j'irai faire aussi. - Yes, I will too. (French)


	11. Chapter 11

"Ivan! If you do not stay still, I will hot glue you to a chair, aru!" Yao huffed in annoyance as he worked on the lock which kept my arms wrapped around me, with a hair pin. Don't ask me why there's a lock on the straight jacket. I think it was for safety measures. Heeding his words, I stood still as he picked the lock carefully and just as quickly, we heard a soft 'click.'

"Yes, aru! A good salesman always knows how to work a lock even if he doesn't have a key, aru." He cheered happily with a smile while holding the bobby pin up. "That sounds oddly illegal." Kiku said quietly to Matthew who just sat smiling at his side. "By the way," Ludwig spoke up, raising an eyebrow at the Chinese man. "Where on earth did you get that hair pin?"

"Don't ask, don't tell." Yao said without missing a beat while holding his happy expression on his face. Alfred laughed obnoxiously. "Dude, who cares!" He exclaimed. "The lock's open." As Ludwig took the lock from the jacket, there was an echo of Elizabeta shouting "Who took my bobby pin?" When I looked back at Yao, the mysterious head wear had vanished from his hand but he stayed as he was before only this time, his hands were behind his back.

"Oh, DAMN IT ALL! This is so NOT awesome!" Ludwig cried as he formed back to Gilbert. Everyone stood in shock as they stared at where the sleeves were connected. "What?" I cried in alarm, fearing the worst.

"That is, like, totally a bummer." Feliks said then went back to looking at his nails. He had joined us earlier upon Alfred's request. "What's wrong?" I asked and turned my head back to them. "Now that's not fair! The sleeves are stitched to the back!" Alfred shouted.

"So, the lock was just for decoration? How lame." Gilbert pouted and began to pet his toy chick that had found a way on his head. I looked at them all in horror. I couldn't stay in this thing! I had to get Ludwig out of here before he gets further along in his pregnancy! But what happened next pretty much drowned my thoughts out as people began to chatter in a hurried rush.

"The needle work is really good. I would like to meet the one who did it, aru."

"Quick, grab some scissors! Lets cut 'em off!"

"No, Alfred! We don't know where his hands end."

"Don't be such a wuss, Kiku."

"Ve~~ If Arthur were here, he would know what to do."

"Oh, Arthur! Why won't you return to us?"

"Shut up-SNAIL BASTARD!"

"We could always call him."

"Oh hey, Mattie! When did you get here?"

"I'm always around."

"This is, Like, so annoying."

"Ivan. Why is there a chick on my head? Did Gilbert take over again?"

"Will you all please SHUT UP!"

All our heads spun to Kiku who blushed when he realized that he had lost his cool. Taking a few seconds, he straightened himself out. "Ah, gomen. Now that I had gotten your attention, I had a vision lately." He said calmly which I thought he was cute in a childish kind of way with how his accent makes all his 'L's go to 'R's.

"Arthur-san is not the only one who is good with a needle. Both Roderich and Elizabeta know how to undo a seem without leaving evidence of it's undoing. We just need one of them to do it for us." Matthew raised a shaky hand.

"But, Roderich is in solitary confinement and Elizabeta is not allowed to handle needles since she one time stitched Gilbert to his bed." My head went to Ludwig who just shrugged and held onto my shoulder for dear life. I kissed his temple to calm him down, wishing I could hug him. Unfortunately, I was still unable to do so.

"So what's the deal? All we have to do is either bust into Roderich's cell or we find a needed and give it to Elizabeta. Simple as that." Alfred's statement sounded genius to me...that was, until Ludwig spoke up beside me.

"Alfred, breaking into solitary confinement here is guarded heavily unlike the 'Quiet room' Ivan was in, no matter if they are the same type of thing. In case you forgot, Roderich nearly blew up the building with all of us in it. There's no way we can get him out. I vote for that second idea of yours though. Elizabeta can keep a secret as long as Gilbert doesn't decide to be a perv and pop out to grope her."

I raised quizzical eyebrows in alarm to Ludwig. "He almost blew you up?" I blared angrily and defensively. He jumped at my tone and hugged me. "Don't be mad at him, Ivan. He's my half-brother. And it's not like he was in the right mind. They gave him untested drugs like they did to most of us here." Then he looked at the group. "He has to know." He said sternly to them. No one spoke or fought back as they looked at the ground in shame and depression.

"Francis was given some when he was six months pregnant. They made him go through hours of haze and when he was back to normal, he would have no memory of what had happened. The medicine, eventually, went to his baby which made it a higher risk of cancer for her when she was born. This is the same drug that was assigned to Arthur but with a few tweaks." Ludwig growled angrily. I said nothing as he gripped my arm.

"They tried to give it to me yesterday. The doctors want me to lose the baby. And as hard as it is to say this, but if I give birth here, they'll take the baby and test the drugs on it." He cried as tears fell from his eyes. I went to say something but Alfred interrupted.

"The medicine they gave me, almost made me strangle myself. I was so angry, so...possessed. I just wanted to kill anything nearby. Even myself. It's a good thing that Arthur came in and stopped me. He took me and strapped me to my bed until the drugs wore off." He put his hands in his pockets but his eyes never left his shoes.

Yao was the first too look me in the eye out of the group. "I never took my medicine. I don't trust it. I gave it to some strange men outside on the other side of the fence. The men smelled bad. Next thing I learned, they died of their hearts exploding in their chests." That made me cringe and Kiku shot him an alarmed look and reached to hug him but backed off.

Matthew sighed and clutched his stuffed bear close to him. "You don't have to ask what my medicine did. It was pretty much like yours. But it made me depressed. I felt like I was isolated. Like no one wanted to talk to me. I'm not here for believing to be invisible because that was my medication doing it. I'm in here because I was kidnapped off the streets of Canada. Papa must be so worried about me. I had been here for six months." Then he snuggled his face into his fluffy toy.

Feliks stayed quiet and checked his nails as if he was bored with it. Feliciano looked lost in a memory.

"Ve~" He frowned. "I don't care what the rumors are. Francis wasn't the one to rape my lover, Klus. No. The one who did it was a strange looking man. He looked an awful lot like a mix between how Gilbert looked before he was killed," Ludwig flinched and hugged me tighter. "and my loving big brother Lovino."

"FUCK OFF BASTARD!" Romano shouted and gave his twin the finger. "THAT IS NOT MY NAME!" Kiku looked at me with cold brown eyes. "I am here because of my visions. At first, when I got here, it seemed friendly enough. The doctors and nurses were so nice to me. But I would have an episode, which is what I go through when I have my visions, and they would take me to the one who ran this place. I didn't understand what they wanted since they took the picture that I had drawn that day. It was strange. Now that I look back, It was a picture of you, Ivan. It was when you attacked Mr. Toms."

I cursed under my breath. "So that's how they got there so quickly. And when he reached in his jacket. That was to signal that it had happened wasn't it?" I asked and clenched my teeth. Kiku hesitated before nodding.

"Hai. I am afraid so. When I go through my visions, My body draws them automatically and then dates when the events are going to happen. I have no control over when I get them or what they are." Francis sighed. "Lucky you, Mr. Visions!" He spat. "I'm here because my blood has a strong tolerance to alcohol! Which is why I don't get drunk as easily." Alfred heard that and pointed a finger at the Frenchman excitedly.

"Seriously, dude? No way! I totally wish I had that! I was just put in here for a lame-ass reason. I just get excited easily. It's not like I can see imaginary things like Iggy." Then the American gave a hearty laugh, letting the mood lighten a bit and I almost smiled at the lovable idiot. No, he was not here for that. He may not know this, but the man could lighten up a room without even trying.

I turned to look at Ludwig who was biting his lip, and looking at me with eyes that begged me not to ask. "I know one reason, my little lovely." I whispered softly to him. He began to pale. "But does your medicine even work?" His eyes shifted. "Yes...Sometimes."

OOO

"Ah, Ivan. Wait." Kiku called after Ludwig and I as we were heading to Elizabeta's room with the needle that Yao had "Found". He panted and bent down to rest against his knees. After a while, he was able to stand back upright and held out a folded piece of paper. His cheeks had a red tint to them as he gave the paper to Ludwig. The German took it hesitantly.

"I, uh, had this vision in my room while I slept. And I know it wasn't a dream because dreams don't give you headaches that feel like hangovers." Then without another word, he turned and walked a few steps away before he turned his head around to glance at us. "We will all be waiting in the room we agreed on with people we can trust once you give the word. Just tell us the time and we will be there to discuss the escape." He looked so serious that it was nearly scary but in this situation we found ourselves in, I couldn't argue. So I nodded and he nodded back and walked away.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Ludwig's movement and I looked at him. He was holding the paper that he had unfolded and a hand was on the small bump on his stomach as he stroked it gently. Instantly, I found myself at his side and looking at the picture. The sight took my breath away.

Ludwig was lying on a white bed while wearing nothing but a white sheet. His face was red and sweaty like he had just finished a wrestling match. He was smiling at a bundle in his arms. And in that bundle, was the sight of a baby with his blue eyes but my hair. Around Ludwig's neck was my scarf. People were surrounding him. Francis' finger was in the grasp of the baby as he looked as if he was laughing pretty hard. Romano held his usual angry face but his eyes were soft and trained onto the baby. There were so many people in the picture and they all seemed to be so happy. But I could see, the picture Ludwig's eyes were so sad. I didn't know why for a while until I looked at the German who held the picture with his hand on his belly and in his eyes I knew why he was sad in the picture. The only thing missing in this painting...

…...Was me...


	12. Chapter 12

I could feel Elizabeta's hands on my back as she carefully undid the stitches of the straight jacket while Ludwig sat in the corner, his eyes hadn't left the picture Kiku gave us for a while now. He just kept staring at it and I was starting to worry, thinking that perhaps I should take it from him.

"Ouch!" I exclaim and wince as she "accidentally" poked me. She gave me a sympathetic look. "Sorry, Ivan." She apologized. "Are we almost done?" I whined. Ludwig's head looked up and he set the picture down before he gave a grin and Gilbert's chick found it's way on his now messy head.

"Was it just me?" He got up and placed a hand to his ear as if someone was telling him a secret. "Or did I hear the giant Russian that's dating West, actually whine?" Then he laughed hysterically while holding his sides, being careful of his stomach. "Kesesesese! Do you know how fucking hilarious that is? Kesesesese! Oh, I wish I had a camera!"

I glared at him. If it wasn't for the fact that Gilbert was Ludwig, I'd punch him. Him being pregnant with my child was just extra protection. He caught my glare and placed an arm on my shoulder, ignoring Elizabeta as she carefully was removing all the stitching the jacket had. "Relax, Russian! You should be happy that I'm here! Not everyone can take my awesomeness like you can! After all, you knocked Ludwig and I up, you player! Kesesesese-Ohhhhh..." He moaned and bent as he held a hand to his mouth as his face turned green.

"Ludwig?" I asked worriedly the instant I heard the groan and saw his face turn green. His head shook. "Nope. Still me buddy." He groaned again. "The kid apparently doesn't like me. It can't handle the awesome that is Gilbert!" He held his head between his legs. Elizabeta kept on like nothing was happening. "Of course it doesn't like YOU. He or she would prefer their mother rather than their 'Uncle'." She said and poked me again. I winced.

"Gilbert," I began. "Are you alright?" He let out a burp that had a horrid smell follow. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Not on my rug! The bathroom's over there." Elizabeta scolded and used her finger to point to a room where Gilbert ran to and I heard puking. "There! Done." She exclaimed happily and unhooked the latches and I felt my arms fall to my sides and I sighed in relief at finally being able to let them relax. Although the sleeves went pretty far past my fingers, I was relieved to be even a little free. I heard a groan from the bathroom and Gilbert stepped out without the chick on his head. This was now Ludwig. "I sure am glad that I wasn't aware of that." He groaned and froze when he spotted me, a smile growing on his face. No questions needed as I opened my arms and he ran into them. I wrapped them around him for the first time in four months. I was finally able to hug and hold my lover after four months of being put away.

Ignoring the fact that he was sick only seconds ago, I took his face and slammed our lips together in a long kiss. Even though I could not get out of the straight jacket, I still had the use of my arms. And for now, that was all I needed. It was worth all the pictures Elizabeta took of us and Ludwig's face going red.

OOO

All of us that could be trusted were gathered in the Art room that had been closed off ever since the whiskey incident between Ludwig and I along with Gilbert. Once again, this room was dark and we all sat on the floor to avoid suspicion. Ludwig had fallen asleep against my shoulder. Alfred brought a piece of paper and a pen which he held in his other hand. "Alright, Dudes. Time for role call! Now as Iggy would say if he was here, 'You all bloody better pay attention you know why? I'm not going to repeat the name'." He added with a fake British accent on the last part. With each name he called and got a response from, he checked the name off.

"Feliciano Vargas?"

"Si, I am here." The Italian waved his hand frantically as he held a huge smile on his face.

"Okay...Um, Ludwig?" He tried to pronounce Ludwig's last name before giving up. He looked up at Ludwig and I. Gently, I shook him and he woke up with a groan. "Wha?" He said questioningly.

"Dude, You need to say that you're here." Alfred said gently. Ludwig yawned. "I'm here." He yawned again and fell right back back asleep.

"Honda Kiku?"

"Hai, Alfred. I am here."

"Neat. Alfred F. Jones? OH! I'm here!" Insert obnoxious laugh only much quieter than the original.

"Ar-Let's skip him. We all know where he's at." This was said with a distance in his voice. I felt a pang of loss. Nothing's been the same Since Arthur was placed in the hospital.

"Francis Bonnefoy?" Alfred continued.

"I am here, Alfred." Francis spoke with a lazy arm in the air before he let his hand fall back into his lap.

"Yao Wang? AHAHAH! His last name is 'Wang'"

"Don't make fun of my name with you're perverted thoughts, Aru!"

"Oh, good. So you are here."

"Of course, Aru."

"Next is...Ivan Braginski, OH! Ivan, buddy. You here?" I rolled my eyes. He saw me earlier with Ludwig.

"Just got in." I humored him. His eyes glared playfully. "Haha, I forgot to laugh." Then he continued.

"Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Oh! Hi, Antonio."

"Hola, Alfred. I am here as you can see."

"See, Ivan! He's nice to me!" I rolled my eyes.

"Geeze, this is a long list. Lovino Vargas?"

"It's Romano- BURGUR BASTARD!"

"Touchy! Mr. Spazz."

"Ve~~ Don't mind him, Alfred. His tick is kicking in again."

"Shut up-IDIOT BROTHER!"

"Aw, Lovi. Why must you be such a dick?" Feliciano said that while still sounding innocent.

"I HATE YOU SO MUCH!"

"Ugh...Elizaveta Héderváry? Dudette? Are you here?"

"Yes, I am."

"Anyone know how we're going to get Roderich out of here while we're on names?"

"Ve~~ Don't worry, Alfred. I have people working on that."

Alfred pumped a fist in the air. "Cool, thanks dude. Now that...Oh, wait. Ivan, Is Gilbert here?" He asked me with a teasing look. Once again, my eyes rolled. "No but he will be sooner or later." I stated. He laughed. "Okay, Ivan. You're up." Then he set the paper down. All eyes turned on me. "I am sure you are all well aware of why we are having this meeting?" Heads nodded.

"They forgot about me." Matthew's quiet voice suddenly popped up and Alfred quickly grabbed the paper and pen.

"Oh! Sorry, Mattie. I didn't know you were there." Alfred apologized. Matthew sighed and held his toy and asked. "Wasn't that why we had the attendance?" Alfred blushed at the thought that he forgot his own cousin.

"As I was saying." I interrupted. "We also know that some people here chose to stay here such as Sadiq Annan, Berwald Oxenstierna, and Im Yong Soo. Now that is their decisions. On the other hand, thanks to Feliciano, there will be people waiting for us near the gate. There will be a large truck where we all should fit in. Now the people are called Máximo, Gupta Muhammad Hassan, Heracles Karpusi, and Vash Zwingli. When we reach them, do not talk to them. They are posing to bring a new shipment of medicine which will actually be tubes of flour and sugar blended together." As I said the last bit, I saw Antonio lick his lips in a way that reminded me of a child eating something delicious.

"Once the truck is emptied by Sadiq Annan, Berwald Oxenstierna, and Im Yong Soo, the three that chose to stay here, mainly to help us, we all hurry into the back of the truck where we will be driven away to the hospital to be checked for resent drugs. From there, if I am not mistaken, we will be able to file for a law suite." I gave my innocent look that usually meant that I was thinking many evil thoughts, which apparently sent an evil aurora from me, scaring people around me. But this group had grown a tolerance to it so they were unaffected. "Sound like a good plan?" I asked childishly. Yao stood up.

"There's a problem, aru. There's Big Mattie and his pack of rabid doberman dogs, aru." the Chinese man brought up a good point. "Hmmm..." I thought. "Back in the old days when slaves were escaping dogs sent by their masters, they scattered pepper all around. The spice should affect their since of smell. I believe it burns their nose. So we all need to carry something to beat them off with just in case pepper wear off." I look at Feliciano. "Do you think you can get each one of us some pepper?" I ask. He saluted.

"Si. I can do that. I am good at collecting." Romano rolled his eyes at his brother but said nothing as he crossed his arms. I nodded. "Good. When can you get it?"

"Ve~~ I can have it to everybody by the end of the week." I nodded again and looked back at the group. "So now that we all know the plan, make sure to get evidence. Bring your medicine for proof if you have to. By the end of the week, we'll meet back here at the same time. In the mean while, do what you always do. We don't need anyone suspecting. Tell no one of our plans or the meetings. If anyone asks, you have no idea what they're talking about and they're all rumors."

After we all agreed and the group began to leave, Kiku once again came up to me with a folded piece of paper. "Ivan? I will keep tabs on my visions and inform you of anything that comes up." I gave a smile in my gratitude. "Thank you, Kiku. That will be useful." He nodded and trusted the paper to me.

Raising an eyebrow, I rolled my sleeves up and took the paper and unfolded it. It was pretty much like the other one only instead of everyone there, it was just Ludwig, the baby, and me. Where had the group gone? On closer inspection, I caught bumps in the picture versions of us that must have been tracking devises under our skin. Ludwig wasn't smiling. Instead, he was crying and the baby, unlike the other where it was alive and healthy, this picture had the baby dead and with foam coming from it's mouth. Me in the picture, I could see that I was really doped up with a doped made smile that looked forced.

I refolded it and stuffed it in my straight jacket pocket near the waist and looked at him in horror. My traumatized eyes met his saddened ones. "What I may said has been said in the story with the sparkly vampires, not that I like it. It was a horrible series that I was glad to burn copies of...But... 'The future is not set in stone.' I have seen both of these versions of Ludwig after labor over and over. They switch back and forth. The point is, they depend on your decisions in the future. Be careful my friend." Then he walked away, leaving me in my thoughts before I picked up the sleeping Ludwig and went to his room so we could sleep.

My mind was troubled that night. The wisest decision of the day was not to let Ludwig see the picture. It would have destroyed him. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him and snuggled under the covers. I can say one thing. Straight Jackets are not very comfortable to sleep in. Especially if you have a troubled mind.


	13. Chapter 13

It was dark that night. If I had known what was going to happen, I would have planned it better. Kiku's visions can only do so much. He could get the bit details but not the small and important ones. Maybe Ludwig is better off now. But how will he fare? Was the baby alright? Was it even born? I couldn't stop thinking about that night...As I sit in this cell, my mouth having been stitched closed. It hurt to move my lips. The room wasn't as nice as the other one I had been stuck in. It was just a dark cell with only a door much like the 'Quiet room' Only this one was steel instead of wood.

The door opened and in stepped a man. He was here to feed me using a tube to push through my stitched lips. It was also how they gave me my medicine. But I didn't fight back as my arms were once again attached around my body. I had no energy like last time. Only now, I felt sick. The medicine from before didn't make me sick. The food was mush that was pushed through the tube.

As I was being forced fed, my thoughts drifted back to Ludwig...Hm... Living here for about four months can sure give a person a lot of time to think and worry about those they care about.

How was Ludwig?...

~Four Months Ago~ (The Escape) Ludwig's POV

Ivan had been carrying me a lot lately. I didn't mind. I was pretty tired these days. That was normal, right? As I rested on his back with my arms draped over his shoulders as his big hands held onto my legs, He turned to the group behind us. Each one of them were scared. You could tell by the expression on their faces, each dressed in black and holding whatever they could get for weapons and the containers of pepper they each had. Some were shaking, including Alfred but his was so slight that it wasn't very noticeable unless you're looking that hard.

"Okay," Ivan whispered to the terrified group. "You all know what to do. But remember this, this is our one time to escape. If one falls, don't go back. It's survival for the fittest. There is a chance that we may be able to rescue you should you get caught but you must be strong here. We will break off into small groups. Sadiq will give the signal when it is safe to go by dropping a capsule but he will not pick it up. The noise will be heard by Big Mattie so once he uses the signal, we will have a short time before the pack reaches us. Are you all ready."

Hesitant nods were followed by Feliciano quickly running up to Ivan and I. He had a soft fabric in his hands. Ivan saw it and gasped. "My scarf!" He cried silently. Feliciano nodded with a smile. "I told you I was able to collect things. I found it in the old storage room when I got the pepper."

Appreciation was clear in Ivan's posture and eyes as Feliciano wrapped the scarf around Ivan's neck, minding my head. "Ivan." Francis spoke up and pointed to where a truck was backing up. It was a large semi. Sadiq Annan, Berwald Oxenstierna, and Im Yong Soo soon came out and opened the back of the truck. Ivan's breathing was hard and he was sweating. This was the ride.

The unloading of the truck was slow but it eventually got finished. As, Sadiq took the last crate, he turned and adjusted his mask and clumsily dropped a container which shattered, making it look like an accident, before walking away, pretending not to notice the spill. That was when I found myself in the arms of Antonio.

In my confusion, I gave Ivan a startled glance and he glanced at Antonio, not even bothering to look at me. "Ivan? Wha...What are you doing?" I asked, starting to get frantic. He looked at me with a reassuring smile. "It will be alright, Ludwig. You and the baby are more important. I will join the last group and meet you there."

Then Antonio started running with the group, avoiding the lights around the place. When we hurried into the truck, Gupta met us in the back. "Máximo the one driving and Heracles is trying to buy us some time with the security guard in the front by talking about his cats. The man can prattle on about them."

As we got in the truck, Antonio set me down but grabbed my wrist to prevent me from running out back to Ivan. I ground my teeth. Ivan knew that would have happened. "It will be okay, Ludwig." Antonio said softly. "Ivan will be alright." I looked outside. "No." I muttered as dread filled me. Something wasn't right. "No, it won't."

The next group met us and sat on the cold floor of the back of the truck. "One more group." Matthew huffed and panted as he flopped down. "Ivan is bringing them over now."

That's when I saw them. As the group got closer, Big Mattie and his pack were running straight at them but the dogs weren't alone. "Shit!" Gupta cursed. "They must have been expecting this!" There were men with guns heading right behind the dogs. They were coming at an alarming speed. Then a siren burst through the entire camp as the last group threw hand fulls of pepper in the air and running inside the truck.

Ivan and Francis were the only ones left. "Go! Go!" Ivan yelled, a little bit away from the truck with Francis huffing right behind him. Gupta ran to the back, avoiding stepping on anyone and he banged on the side before shouting at the top of his lungs. "Máximo! There's been a breech! Move! DRIVE!" There was a curse from a distance and the truck sped off and Heracles hopped in the back. Sweat covered me and my heart raced in fear. Ivan and Francis were right there! But the worst happened when Francis had tripped. Ivan had looked back for only a second before he grabbed onto what of he could of the semi and grabbed Francis' belt and tossing him in. As Francis was caught by the Italian twin, Ivan was litterally hanging on for dear life as the truck was speeding off quickly.

I managed to pull my wrist out of Antonio's grip and crawled carefully and shakily before reaching out to my lover. "Grab my hand!" I cried. He looked at me, fear in his eyes. Reaching a hand out, our fingers were just inches apart when the biggest doberman I had seen in my life as it was big as a small horse and it bit into Ivan's leg. Ivan cried out in pain.

"Big Mattie!" Feliciano cried in fear and backed away further into the moving truck. But as soon as Big Mattie had got a hold of Ivan, others managed to latch on and the weight was making Ivan lose his grip on the truck. I was instantly gripping on what I could of him, his scarf. I had managed to grab a tail of his scarf.

"Grab him!" Ivan shouted and Antonio, Alfred, and Yao had me, trying to pull me back in the truck. "No!" I roared and held onto the scarf. My lover grabbed the side with his other hand but Ivan's hands slipped more. I looked into his eyes and saw tears. He looked back at the dogs which tore into his clothes and skin before looking at the group.

"Take care of him." Was all the said before he let go of the truck, the scarf slipping off his neck as it was still clutched in my fist. I let out a yell. The loudest and most horrified yell I had ever done in my life. "IVAN!"His body fell with a loud thud as he rolled on the asphalt unmoving as dogs surrounded him, hearing and biting. Growling and scratching. All a pack of over fifteen dogs. I was pulled into the truck quickly as the truck made a lurch around a corner. With Ivan's scarf tightly in my hands, Francis pushed my face in his shoulder suddenly and that's when I heard a loud BANG! Of a gun being fired and Gupta closing the back of the truck making everything go dark.

I began crying all my heart out and felt Francis stroke my stomach.

OOO

I must have blacked out. I remember waking up in a hospital room where Feliciano was looking down at me in excitement. "Doitsu! You're alright! I was so worried." He gave me a giant hug and he snuggled his head into my neck. "Feli-" My voice cracked. I rubbed it. It felt like I had been screaming at the top of my lungs for hours straight.

"Why does my throat hurt?" I rasped. Feliciano put a hand to my mouth to silence me before putting it back to his side. "Gilbert had taken over. You were him for three days. No one could sedate you because of the baby." He answered. Baby? The word hadn't registered. I couldn't remember anything about a baby.

Baby...baby...Baby? Ivan? Oh, God! There's the memory! Ivan fell! I began crying and I clutched the hospital bed I rested on. Feliciano gently picked the top half of me and held me to him closely. "It's okay to cry, Doitsu. And don't worry about Ivan. We'll think of something."

I felt a wiggle in my stomach. I didn't know what it was but it felt nice...Comforting. The door squeaking open caught my attention and I looked to see Francis. It was that moment I was filled with anger and rage. I wanted to punch him. If he hadn't of tripped, Ivan would have made it! I glared at the Frenchman who shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably. I sighed in defeat. No, I can not blame him...I can blame no one but the people who kept us there. In my hand, Ivan's scarf was wrapped tightly around. I wouldn't lose it.

~That same day~ Arthur's POV

I was sitting up in the hospital bed that I was given, while reading a book, my hand occasionally going to my head where my hair used to be and sighed, setting the book back down. The doctors said that my recovery was going remarkably well and what cancer that was there, was both gone and stopped growing. But at the cost of my hair and the addition of a scar on my chest.

I rubbed the skin on my head once again. The scar I could live with but I missed my hair. Now I look like a naked rat.

"Mr. Kirkland?" I turned to the doorway to see the sweet nurse that had been caring for me. Her name was Kate and she had been very helpful when I had been going through my depression. Whether it was my friends in the horrid place I was before or if it was from my cancer, she took it all in stride.

"Yes, Kate?" I ask softly but politely. She smiled. "It seems you have a guest. He wants to see you right away." Her smile was contagious and I couldn't help myself but to smile back.

"Am I able to see him then?" I ask, now who was it that could possibly want to see me? I know a few people but they're all in the asylum. Kate nodded. "You are allowed. You have made such amazing progress. There's no harm as long as you don't exert yourself." I nodded in understanding.

She left through the door and for a few seconds, nothing happened. I started wondering whether or not the man who had wanted to see me was going to. Maybe he changed his mind? But it didn't take long before the door slowly opened to revile Francis and I gasped. "F-Francis?" I gasped and stuttered. He ran up to me with a sad yet relieved look on his face as he practically soared onto the bed and held on me like I was his lifeline and he cried on my chest.

"Arthur! You're alive! Thank God! You're alive!" He wept. I just sat there in my shock, not caring if my hospital gown was getting wet. But I broke out of that shock and hugged him back. I didn't care if this was the man who always teased me and embarrassed me in the asylum. He was someone I knew and despite our differences, I was so glad to see him. I was so happy. I had missed him. I missed the others too. Hang on...How did he get here?

I pulled him in arms length. "Francis? How did you get here? The asylum never lets anyone out." Though he was still crying, he laughed and wiped the tears from his eyes but they just replaced the other tears he had.

"Out of all that happened with you getting cancer and going through all that, you're wondering how I got here? It is so good to see you, Arthur. Even if you have no hair." My faced turned red. "Are you going to tell me. From the state you're in, it must be quite a story." His smile faded a little.

"Ivan...He got us out. He got everyone out except him. There was no way he could. Big Mattie had him by the bone. That beast wouldn't let him go! Oh, Arthur! He was taken back to that horrible place!" Then he launched himself to me again and began babbling about what had happened. As he spoke about the events I weren't there for, my mind was spinning.

It was so much to take in on what I had been told. The more he spoke, the deeper I went into thought. "And poor Ludwig. If Ivan can't get out, he will have to raise that baby all on his own." Francis said in his whimpering state, bringing me back to reality. "What?" I ask.

His powder blue eyes looked at me. They almost looked like bits of glass. "Ludwig and Ivan are lovers. Ivan had gotten him pregnant. He's four months along.

~Elizabeta's POV~

I stood by Roderich's bedside, holding his hand. After a while, I grabbed a chair and dragged it to the spot I stood before sitting in it and holding his cold hand again. I couldn't help but look at his unconscious face. I wanted to cry and scream like the little girl I used to be. When Feliciano's men had gotten him out, Roderich was nearly dead. He was being overdosed and starved to his death but we got him out just in time.

I leaned over and kissed my husband on his head. He mumbled something and turned his head to face me and I smiled. Even in his sleep, the man would always talk about his precious piano and music. I squeezed his hand. Let him dream. Music was all he had left aside from me. The asylum took everything else from us.

And I was determined not to let them take anything else away from us. My hand fell to my stomach where our baby used to sit. Back when Klus was still in the womb. I bit my lip when a small should escaped me. He used to love history, especially anything that involved the Holy Roman Empire. Then he met Feliciano when they were but six...Klus dies at the age of sixteen by hanging himself. My free hand turned into a fist. I will avenge you my son. They will pay for your death. Whether legally or illegally, they will pay.

~Ludwig's POV~ Two weeks later

I groaned and rubbed my stomach as I walked around the hospital. I hated it here. Since our court date was about a month after when I was supposed to give birth (According to the doctor that I had here who was pretty nice), we had to stay here until that day. Each one of us were being tested for the drugs that had been tested on us without our consent and we each had rooms. Three people to a room from what I know.

I shared a room with Kiku and Feliciano but there were only two beds so Kiku had to sleep in a cot. Normally, Feliciano would sneak in my bed (not in a perverted way) but because the beds were so small and I now had a bump as evidence of the baby, he didn't dare for fear of pushing me off the bed.

I rubbed my belly as I walked down the hall with Kiku and Feliciano. They had been following me everywhere since we got here and neither left my side for long. "Where exactly are we heading, Feli?" I asked, interrupting Feliciano from his song about a circle and the earth or what ever that nonsense was about.

He smiled at me and pointed to a doorway with a sign overhead that said "Cafeteria" in big bold letters. "Of course." I stated exasperated. Kiku clutched his drawing pad closer and adjusted the pen on his ear. "Feliciano, is there anything you think about besides food?" He asked as we stepped in the room and the Italian glanced around excitedly and sniffed the air.

"Si, but there's always time for food." Feliciano came back with. As the two gave their innocent squabble, I felt a poke on my stomach. I brushed the area away, thinking that a young child was poking me since there were many people here with children. Then the poke happened again only harder and I grabbed the spot with a gasp. That was no child poking me.

The Asian and Italian had heard my gasp. They stared at me worriedly. "Are you okay, Ludwig?" Kiku asked in his usual soft, quiet way. I looked down at my stomach that was covered with my black tank top. "Something just kicked me." I exclaimed more to myself. Kiku and Feliciano hurried over. "Where was it?" the Asian asked and touched my stomach.

"Right where your hand was." was my response. The poke was back and Kiku smiled. "There is nothing wrong. The baby is kicking." This relieved me as Kiku stood back to his full height. Feliciano gasped happily. "Were?" He asked and bent down to touch my stomach like Kiku had down and he laughed when the kick came again.

"Ve~~ He's rowdy." He laughed again. I groaned once again and rubbed the area, trying to sooth the kicks that were hurting me in the spot they have been hitting over and over. "Why are you kicking so much?" I had asked quietly to my stomach. Feliciano jumped up. "Ve~~ Maybe he's hungry. I'll go get you something to eat." Then he skipped away and Kiku took me to a bench to sit.

I touched the scarf that I had wrapped around my neck. I wish Ivan had been here to feel the kicks. Kiku just sat and stared in space, not really knowing what to say as a single tear fell from my eye.


	14. Chapter 14

~Ludwig's POV~

I went to bed as I normally do. I had my own routine, brush teeth, dress for bed, a read a chapter. But now my routine had changed from "Read a chapter" to "Pretend to read a chapter while rubbing your small belly to stop the kicking". Aside from Ivan, my mind was always on the baby that I carry. Not that I'm upset that I was a bearer. Oh no. It's a treasured trait that was passed down by generations of my family. It's a shame that Gilbert never had it.

As I was getting ready for sleep, I thought about my brother. I thought about what would happen if he were still alive. How would he react when he heard about the baby.

"Probably congratulate me on getting laid and going off to get drunk and brag to his friends while he drank." He grinned. Yeah. Gilbert was like that. In a way, he was a mix between mature and immature. He had no level of maturity. I laid down on my bed and turned off my bed lamp, listening to Feliciano's snores of "Ve~~" the guy even snores that phrase of his. Slowly, I closed my eyes and fell into my dreams that were also my memories.

~Dream~ Ludwig (one year old)

Gilbert held the tiny baby's hands as the infant attempted to walk as he grasped the albino's fingers in his small yet strong grip. "Come on West. You can do it. Just one step after the other. See! You'll be walking in no time! Next I'll teach you how to speak. Not that goo goo gaa gaa crap you do. You'll be just like me in no time!" Gilbert praised the baby who in turn just smiled at the albino.

Roderich, who was sitting on the couch as he read a book to himself as he held a sleeping baby Klus in his lap, looked up from his book to watch Gilbert help little Ludwig to stand. "You do realize that he has no clue what you are saying, right? And why are you encouraging him to walk so badly, he's too little."

Gilbert huffed at the Austrian before sticking his tongue out. "My Ludwig is awesome! Not some sleeper like yours is. What's wrong with him? He so lame!" Klus whimpered in his fathers lap and Roderich rubbed the baby's face to sooth him back to his sleep. Then he turned back to the red eyed man. "For your information, my son is intelligent. Which means that while your brother is out doing dangerous things with you and possibly getting himself injured more than you, Klus will be the one will enough money to pay your bills over and over."

Gilbert smirked at him. "So what you're saying is that we can mooch off of him at that time, eh?" Roderich sputtered. "No, you will not! He needs that money for when he gets into the finest university of the country." He puffed out his chest in pride. Gilbert looked at him like he said the dumbest thing ever.

"He's just a baby and you're already planning for his scholarship? How lame and boring is THAT?" He looked back at his baby brother and picked him up in his arms. "Right Wessy? Isn't that the most boring thing you ever heard?" He cooed to the baby who laughed and clapped his hands. Roderich snorted.

"It's never too early to save up for a potential, successful life. I'm in the right here and you're planning on brainwashing Ludwig at such a young age. If anyone is wrong, it would be you." Then he opened his book, apparently finished with the conversation. Gilbert scowled and pointed to himself with his thumb.

"Can I help it that I am just so awesome that you can't stand it!" He poked Ludwig in the belly and the baby squealed and laughed which made Gilbert laugh too. "That's right, Luddy. You keep laughing. And don't you ever stop. You hear me? I want you to laugh as you face losers like...these." Then he gestured at Roderich and Klus. Roderich just ignored him and Klus just kept sleeping.

Turning back to the baby, he gave his typical laugh "Kesesesese!"

Keep...Laughing?...

~End dream~ (Present)

I ended up waking up at four in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So I got dressed and went up to the roof to think. I didn't even bother to brush my hair. I just let my hair stay messy. I leaned against the tall bar at the edge of the roof and looked as the cars passed us, lost in thought. I don't remember much about Gilbert and I try not to think about my rape which led to Gilbert's death. I rubbed my face with my hand.

"Ludwig?" I turned to see Kiku. He was dressed as well but in a yellow t-shirt and blue shorts and sandals. "Are you alright?" He asked. "It's not the baby is it?" I shook my head and turned back to the road, only being half aware of him stepping up to stand beside me.

"I didn't wake you did I?" I ask. He shook his head. "No. I always get up around this time. My dreams keep me awake a lot because they are affected by my visions at times. He eyed the scarf around my neck. "You're not going to take that off are you?"

I shook my head. "Only when I sleep and shower. I just can't bear to. I feel like if I do, I'll lose it. I need to hold onto it for Ivan." Kiku said nothing for a while. "Was the reason you can not sleep because of Ivan?" I shook my head again. "No, Gilbert. My brother." Kiku then leaned against the bar with me and turned, making himself look interested.

"Tell me about your brother. All I know about him is when you turn into him." I laughed weakly at that. "Well... Let me see. I remember Elizabeta telling me how he acted when I was born. Even at the age of ten, he was eccentric. Father had died at war and mom left the moment I was born. We ended up living with Roderich and Elizabeta. But it was Gilbert who raised me. He refused to let anyone help except for when I needed feedings for the first few months of my life." I gave a smile at the story Elizabeta told me.

"It was quite a story. Elizabeta had Klus about three months before be so her and Roderich were sitting in the lounge, Roderich himself was only eighteen at the time, having a family at an early age. Gilbert had been exploring the hospital at the time while mother was giving birth to me. When I was finally born, Gilbert took off in excitement, grabbing a sheet and tying it around his neck before jumping on a food cart and rolling down the hallway yelling in his happiness, Roderich, Elizabeta, and many of the staff were chasing him." Kiku and I shared in a laugh as our minds imagined the scene.

-"HA HA! This is so awesome! Not nearly as me but awesome anyway! I'm going to be the best big brother out there!"

-"Gilbert! You get off that thing this instant! It's undignified and you'll hurt yourself!"

-"Oh, calm down, Roderich! I guess now I should warn my poor baby brother about how lame you are."

It was strange at how I seemed to be able to hear the conversation as if I was there.

-"Woah. He's so little. He won't break will he?"

-"Be careful with him, Gilbert. He's only an hour old."

-"So small. Where's mama? She has to see how neat he is!"

-"...Gilbert, your mother left."

-"Oh, okay. When is she coming back? I want her to see little West."

-"'West?'"

-"Yeah, because he was born in the west wing of the hospital. So when is mama coming back? Maybe when she sees him, she won't hate him anymore."

-"...Gilbert...Your mother isn't coming back. She's left you two in our care."

-"But...She promised...She promised papa before he went to war..."

-"I am sorry, little one."

-"...Don't be! Because I'm going to be the best person West will have! I think his name will be, Ludwig! You know, after one of the German rulers! That way no one will pick on him!"

-"I think that's a wonderful name for him."

-"I know! It's awesome! Like me!"

"I don't understand. Why did your mother leave? Why didn't she help care for you?" Kiku asked distantly. I sighed. I didn't completely understand it myself but I answered anyway. "It was because shortly after she found out that she was pregnant with me, she also found out that my father had the ability to bear children. It wasn't hate at first. When I was in the womb, she worried that I would have that same trait. And when I was born, she hated me. Not only did I have the same genetic trait as my father, I also looked exactly like him. I still do only I have short hair where he had long hair that went down to his lower back."

Kiku was silent. Then he looked up at me with sad eyes. "Sometimes I wish I had that trait. I am an only child in my family. And I am sterile. If I had that, maybe I could have had kids one day. When I was younger, I wanted so badly to be a father. But then, I had learned that I could not sire. My girlfriend left me and I could not look at my parents without feeling shame." His voice broke. The thought of never being able to be a parent was devastating to some people.

"I know that I can adopt. But it just wouldn't be the same of having a kid of my own blood. I would still feel empty." He continued as he bent his head and gripped the sides of it. I stared at him long and hard. "Have you even had the test done on you?" His head shot up and looked at me in confusion. "Test? What test?" He asked.

I turned back to the city the hospital resided in and noticed how bright the sky was getting. "My mother had a test done on me before she abandoned me and Gilbert to find out if I had the ability. When it came out positive, she up and left. It's kind of a blood test and an ultrasound but there is a way to tell. You never really know until you take it." I look at him with a reassuring smile. "You could have the ability and not know it. Men with the trait are normally sterile one way but fertile the next." He smiled gratefully and his eyes filled with hope. But nothing to great of extent was given.

"Really? Maybe I should take this test. Is the trait a birth defect or genetic?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "In my case, it was genetic because of something my ancestors did. It's more common as a birth defect though." Then I rubbed my stomach as it let out a large growl that made Kiku chuckle. "Let's go get something to eat." Was his suggestion and I couldn't help but agree.

"Might as well. I could go for some chilli with ranch dressing and sugar." He gave me a look that suggested that he was grossed out. I blushed in realization on what I just said. "Sorry. I'm having cravings. Don't know why I bother satisfying them though. I'll just throw it all back up."

The Japanese just shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Lets go get the food. We can wait for Feliciano there." My body shook as I fought to hold out my laughter at the reminder of the Italian. But I could not hold them so I just gave up and laughed.

As Kiku led me into the building, I could hear Gilbert from my dream saying what he said before I woke up.

"Just keep laughing."


	15. Chapter 15

~Ghost Gilbert's POV~

I looked down at the sleeping form of my baby brother. I had never really left him. I worried about him too much. My earliest memory of my death, I was twenty-five. I still looked it to this day. I had found Ludwig being cared for this Russian mob boss with the most freak ass eyes I had ever seen. But I couldn't hate him. He was caring for my little brother. Ludwig had looked so weak and fragile that day. I couldn't leave. Not yet. West still needed me. So I stayed. I was there when he got his split personality of me. At first, I was horrified. How can he move on with this? But as time moved on, it turned out to be extremely funny and entertaining. But then he was put in the asylum. The same one that mob boss had escaped from, the bastard. But I still didn't leave Ludwig.

I stayed in there with him for the years he suffered there. The only thing I could ever regret was leaving him. I couldn't help him in this state. All I could do was watch. I watched as they beat him during the first few months of his time there. They were trying to break him. To make him fit in. But then they noticed the split personality of his. So then they left him alone with smug looks.

When that big Russian called Ivan first arrived, I had thought that he was the mob boss, coming to take Ludwig away from here. I felt hope for my brother. The introduction between Ludwig and Ivan through me off and I feared for Ludwig when the Russian shouted as he clutched his head.

The man was mad, insane. Or at least I was led to believe. With his constant mood changes and his avoidance of the topic of his sisters, he was unpredictable and I didn't feel like Ludwig was safe getting to know this guy. Even when he apologized, I didn't like it. When they started to become friends, I just wanted to tear my ghostly hair off my head. Not like I could anyway. I remember thinking "Ludwig has other friends! He doesn't need you, Russian!" Funny, that was during the time when they were drinking whiskey in the art room.

I swear, when I saw what they did, I wanted to pop the Russian's head off! How dare he take advantage of my baby brother! But then Ludwig went all awesome and turned into me! Or rather, his personality of me. I smirked in smugness and congratulated myself on how awesome that was and how I was the most awesome brother ever! Not once had it occurred to me that I said "awesome" too much.

I laughed in the Russian's face when I-er-Ludwig-Uh, me? Whatever Ludwig was at that moment, stormed out of the room. I laughed and laughed as I followed him out, not that the Russian could see me or hear my laughing.

Both intimate moments between Ludwig and Ivan, were something I wish I hadn't seen. I didn't want to see my brother rely one someone else. I was his brother! I was supposed to watch over him! But when I looked back at myself and reality hit me like a ton of bricks once again. I could do nothing but watch. He could not see me, touch me, or hear me.

I looked back at the bulge of my brother's stomach. The child would be strong, that was for sure. Much like it's parents. Both have strong points. Both were physically strong, but Ludwig has a heart of gold while Ivan had the brute force of a bull but the gentleness of a butterfly. As much as it sickened me to say that.

Placing a hand, I made sure it didn't go through his body. That would have just seemed creepy on my part. I took my hand off. Ludwig doesn't need me to watch him sleep. I guess I should just go check on the others that escaped.

The halls were quiet except for the buzzing sounds of machinery. I had first stopped at Arthur's room. The only guy that could see me. His door was locked, not that it mattered and I phased through the door. Arthur was sitting up in bed while watching the television. Francis was sleeping, cuddled next to him on the bed while still dressed in his day clothes. With the flick of his wrist, he muted the television and looked me dead in the eye.

"So you're still around, Gilbert." He stated seriously. I smirked and rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah, you can't get rid of the awesome me that easily!" I cheered. His eyes narrowed.

"Don't you think you're punishing yourself? You need to move on sooner or later." I lost my smirk and crossed my arms with a pout.

"I won't move on until I'm satisfied that West is alright...Hey, you're bald." I cried astonished. His lips tightened as his face turned red. How had I not noticed that he has no hair. "I am bloody well aware that I have no hair, alright!" He shouted. Francis stirred at the noise but then settled back down while muttering something about roses. We relaxed when he calmed.

"Nice going, Artie! You almost woke the frog. Kesesesese!" His glare intensified. "I can't help it. It's not like you'll be waking anyone sooner or later you bloody phantom!" I stopped laughing and scoffed, putting a hand to my heart as if I was struck with a bullet. "Oh, Artie! You wound me! I am no phantom. I am the new and greatly improved and most handsome form of Caspar." I sleeked my hair back as I said this.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Whatever. At least think about this whole thing. Honestly, it's worrying. You've been around for years. For Gods sake, you've been dead for years now. And Ludwig is safe now, you don't need to keep pushing yourself. It's obvious that you're tired." I slumped, letting my weariness show and gave him a sleepy smile.

"Thanks for your concern. It really is touching. I am tired. But I will not move on to the great Gilbert shrine in the sky until I'm satisfied that he's going to be alright without me." I said then turned to the door. Arthur rolled his eyes. "Only YOU can joke about that at a time like this." He said more to himself as I phased back out the door.

I phased my head and shoulders back in with a smirk. "Hey, Arthur. That reminds me." I say. He looks at me in confusion. "Yes? What is it Gilbert?" I sprouted a toothy grin. "I used to be an adventurer like you until I took an arrow in the knee!" Then I quickly phased out, hearing Arthur shouting angrily behind me as I ran back to West's room.

"GILBERT YOU WANKER! THAT JOKE'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! THAT WAS THE MOST HORRID AND OVERUSED PUN THAT TEENAGERS CAME UP WITH!"

"Kesesesese!"

~Ludwig's POV~

The hospital had brightly colored decorations of rabbits, colored eggs, and chicks. These, I pretty much could ignore but the sound of over ten or fifteen children running and screaming while carrying baskets of eggs and candy that I don't really think they needed at this point of the day, was a bit much. Anyhow, I was able to turn my attention to the strange concoction I had asked Feliciano get me consisting of peanut butter covered spaghetti and pepper. As I sat there and ate, Feliciano went to help the parents with their kids. What can I say, the guy adores them. Even if they tug and pull on the curl that sticks out on the side of his head.

Kiku on the other hand had his hands clutched to his ears in his attempt to block out the sound. "Is it always so noisy here during Easter?" He asked and a shiver went down his back when a little girl let out a loud screech because her brother took her basket. I shrugged. "Ask Alfred. He's here more than we are." I responded and took a bite of my food.

He turned green when he saw what I was eating but he looked around. "Where is Alfred-san?" Kiku questioned. I pointed to a pile of kids with my fork. "Playing with the kids along with Feliciano. I think he's been buried." Kiku slumped in his seat. "I think I would rather go to the waiting room. It is so much quieter there."

I shook my head. "I'm afraid not. If you want quiet, go to the roof, or our room. The whole hospital is having some sort of Easter celebration for the little ones." I said and he groaned. "Then I will go to our room. I have some manga I need to finish so I can get it published." I just nod.

"Alright. Oh, have you decided if you're going to take the test?" I ask. He looked at me startled before calming down. We had a silent agreement that we were going to call it "The Test" in public. Kiku then nodded slowly and looked away with a red face.

"Yes. I am getting it taken tomorrow so I won't be around for most of the day." He shifted nervously. "I am going back to the room." I took one last bite of my food and threw the paper plate and plastic fork away. "I will come too. I need some sleep. This baby is sapping all the energy from me." One hand went to my back. It hurts from me sleeping at a strange angle. "This child was kicking me almost all night. They weren't strong but they were enough to keep me up."

Kiku gave me a smile. "But that means that it is healthy. If the baby wasn't kicking then that would mean something was wrong. Have you decided on any names?" I looked down at my stomach as we walked down the hallway. I looked up and faced forward, biting my lips as tears stung my eyes.

"I had hoped that Ivan and I would have thought the names to pick out. But that was before..." I stopped myself. Kiku spotted my distress. "He will be fine, Ludwig. Once we win this court case, he will be with us once again. Do not worry so much."

"Did you get that from your visions?"

"I do not need my visions to know what will happen at this point. We have more than enough evidence to shut that place down. And when they find out about Ivan, they will have no choice but to release him." Kiku paused and smiled knowingly. "But yes. I did get that from my visions."

I smiled back and we were quiet for a few minutes before I broke the silence. "Gilbert...I want to name him after my brother if it's a boy."

"I'm sure he would be happy. Have you thought of any girl names?" I had to laugh. Yes, I did have a name. It was rather silly. "I decided on naming her after Ivan if it was a girl. I was going to name her Ivana." Kiku chuckled. "Kiku," He stopped chuckling when he heard my serious tone.

"I don't know about your culture, but...If something happens to Ivan and I, will you be my child's godfather?" Kiku's face went red. "M-Me? But what about Feliciano?" he stuttered.

"I have thought long and hard about this, Kiku. Feli is too childish. It's not that I don't trust him...It's just that he hasn't proved responsible." Kiku stuttered some more. "I-I...Nothing will happen, Ludwig." He began. "But it will be an honor to care for the child should anything happen to you both."

~Alfred's POV~

"Oh, No! Feli, they got me! Oh, the childrenasourus got me! The little dinosaurs have me with their small clawed hands." I cried and pretended to struggle with all my strength as the kids piled on me and they laughed. "Ah, I'm sorry Alfred! I walked into an ambush! They have eggs! Nooo! Jellybeans! The horror!" Feliciano cried as another group of kids surrounded him while holding candy and plastic eggs up to him.

As we played, the little kids were laughing in their success of capturing to fully grown men with their own strength. They began to pile fake grass on me, you know, the stuff in their baskets. "Ack! Grass! My one weakness! But I must get up! For I am the hero!" More fake grass was piled on me as I tried to get up and I fell back down and raised my hands to the ceiling.

"Ack! Nooooooo! I'm weak, I'm weak! The grass has zapped all of my powers!" Feliciano squealed as he was poked with a jellybean. "Alfred, their starting their torture!" All the kids laughed. Mothers who were sitting and talking to each other, turned to us and laughed along with the kids.

After an hour of play, the kids were called away for an Easter egg hunt outside. Feliciano and I got up and laughed as we dusted ourselves off. He looked at me and laughed harder. "What's so funny?" I questioned as I laughed with him.

He pointed to my head. "You have two strips of fake grass in your hair and they're sticking up like two alien antennae." he laughed behind his hand. I turned to a vending machine and looked at my reflection in the glass. Feliciano was right, I kind of did look like I had antennae. I turned back to him and wiggled my fingers in the air as I made an alien noise.

"I have come from the planet Easterama! Take me to your chocolate rabbits!" Then I walked to him. He squealed and laughed before running out and I followed him. "No! My chocolate rabbit!" He laughed. What can I say, playing with kids are so much fun, you want to continue doing it, even with other adults.

We got some pretty odd looks but Feliciano and I didn't give a damn. We were having fun. And with being in the asylum for so long, we needed to get all the fun we could.

After all, this was the first Easter we had in years.


	16. Chapter 16

~Ludwig, Month 5~

"I feel a little bloated." I say as I gently push on my stomach, earning a kick in response. Kiku smiled at what I said but continued to draw and write. Feliciano came back in the room with a tape measure and wrapped it around my waist.

"Feli, what are you doing?" I ask as he wrote something on a notepad. He had done this before, last month. I didn't think much of it then but now, he has peaked my interest. He smiled at me. "Ve~~ I'm recording how big you get each month." I raised an eyebrow at his statement.

"Why?" He wrote more on the notepad. "In case Ivan wants to see them. He may want to know how big you get each month." I admired Feliciano's hope. That hope was something I was losing rapidly. But I do not tell them that. When he was done, Feliciano tugged on my arm. "Come, Ludwig. It's time for lunch. And you must feed the baby on schedule as early as possible. That and you must be hungry." Just as he said that, my stomach let out a growl.

I laughed as I allowed myself be drug out of the room.

~Ivan's POV~

I could see clearly in the dark room. How long was I in here? I don't know. Shifting in my position on the floor, I shifted my arms in the jacket. My lips had long stopped throbbing in pain in my stitched lips. The pain had faded days ago. There were foot steps outside my door. They sounded hurried, like they were in a rush but trying to be quiet. Were they coming to torture me again? No, I can't take much more. Please, no more!

I whimpered at the memories of being tortured in here and the footsteps paused for a second before the eye slot was opened slightly with just enough room for someone to peak in without letting too much light in. Light came through a little bit of the eye slot and touched my feet. That was the first time I got a good look at even a little bit of myself. My skin was completely white. Was I even alive? Yes, I know I was...But I didn't look it.

"Oh my God." I heard from the person. Could he see me? Will he help me? I hope so. I curled my toes and thought at how stiff they were. Did that mean that they were cold? I can't tell anymore. There hadn't been any warmth in here at all. It often made me wonder at how Roderich managed to survive in here for so long without food. Luckily, I was given food. The food was disgusting but it kept me alive. Even if it was forced through my lips through a tube.

I could hear the door rattle as the slot was closed. The rattling sounded as if someone was lock picking the lock. Then there was a click and the door swung open and it hit the side with a loud clatter. The noise frightened me. It was so quiet here and sudden loud noises could put me in a panic attack easily. The light rushed in and I closed my eyes immediately, not being used to the light as I used to be. There was a man slinking to me rather quickly and I found myself curling into a ball where I sat.

He bent right in front of me. "Oh my God." He repeated horrified. Apparently he saw what they done to my mouth. But I'm guessing it was that and more. I must look like a fright. I felt him touch my cheek and I flinched back with a whimper.

"No, No. Shh..." He hushed me gently like one would to a frighted animal and he put his hand on my cheek. He was so warm. Was I that cold? Or was he just that warm? The people who feed me always had gloves on. I could never tell. But the warmth of his hand caused me to lean in it. The warmth...I missed it so much. Almost as much as Ludwig and my sisters. Even my scarf.

I opened my eyes and as they slowly adjusted to the light, I got a good look at him. He was wearing a suit and a camera hung around his neck and in his pocket, there was a notepad. He looked to be a stereotypical reporter without the hat. He had that smug, boyish look about him that made him seem like the sneaky snooping type. But in his eyes, I could clearly see how disturbed he was at the sight of me. I looked back at him with my eyes pleading. Begging for him to get me out of here. When he took his hand back, I whined in discontent. The warmth was gone!

"It's okay, buddy. I'm just going to take a picture." He said soothingly and quietly and lifted his camera up. "There's going to be a flash but it is needed if I am to get a good picture." He took the picture. I was proud of myself for not flinching.

He went to leave with a look behind him back to me. As he left, I had a comforting feeling. Someone from the outside knew I was here. He could help me. And for the first time in a long time, I let a smile appear on my face, ignoring the fact that my stitches were being tugged unhappily as I did so.

I was going to get out of here.

~Ludwig's POV~

"I give up, Alfred. Why exactly did you request us here?" Antonio asked with a strained smile. All of us from the asylum had gathered in Arthur's room, who wasn't happy with being in a room full of people at the moment. Alfred looked at us all but he was completely serious with a newspaper in his hand.

"Ivan's in the paper, dude." He said then slapped the paper down at Arthur's feet and we all ended up staring at it in shock. I could feel my body grow cold and shake. Tears stung my eyes and sweat covered my brow. The picture was of Ivan with his mouth stitched closed to the point he wouldn't be able to talk. His face was bruised and he had a black eye like he had been beaten up. He looked malnourished and he was curled in the corner like a scared child.

"Ludwig? Hey, man. That's not funny." I heard the voice of Alfred. I heard others began to call to me worriedly. But I couldn't respond as I gripped the sheets of Arthur's bed tightly. All my worries were true. He was worse off than before. Kiku glanced at me and placed a soft hand on my arm. "Ludwig?"

"NO!" I shouted out...Then I knew no more.

~Ghost Gilbert~

"NO!" I watched as Ludwig took the newspaper and hurled it across the room as his hair flopped around messily before he ran to go out the door. I turned to Arthur and he looked back at me for only a second. We shared a realization. "Stop him!" Arthur called out and instantly, people got up and ran after my little brother. I didn't need a detective to know what he was going to do if no one stopped him. He was heading right out the door! He was going to the asylum when Yao grabbed him around his waist and lifted him off the floor, him kicking and screaming.

"Ludwig! You need to relax, aru! This is childish!" Yao shouted over my brother's screams. "BASTARD! I AM NOT LUDWIG! I AM GILBERT YOU ASSHOLES!" the pain in my chest. He was reverting to me. This hurt. He won't let go of me...Just like I wouldn't let go of him. Whether it was voluntary or not, neither would let the other go, in one form or another.

Roughly, Yao turned him to where he was glaring hard and sternly into my brothers blue eyes. "No, Ludwig. You are Ludwig. You need to relax. He will be fine, aru." He spoke with the same sternness as his eyes showed.

Something changed in Ludwig's eyes. Like someone flipped a switch. "Yao?" He spoke distantly. "I want Ivan. Everyone keeps telling me that everything will be alright. That Ivan will be fine and happy soon. But that picture makes me think otherwise." Yao brought my pregnant and destrought brother into a strong comforting hug which he returned.

"I want Ivan, Yao." Then hebegan crying. The Chinese man placed his chin on Ludwig's head, much like how the Russian did. "I know, Ludwig." He whispered and he rocked the German. "I know." He repeated.

OOO

I found myself in Arthur's room as everyone left. Yao, Kiku, and Feliciano went to calm Ludwig down, Alfred and Matthew went off to the lounge to play some games, Anotnio and Romano went to do God-knows-what. Francis didn't want to leave really but Arthur somehow managed to get him to leave, Dragging whoever was left with him.

Now Arthur was looking at the newspaper and mouthing the words he read in the article. "Can you believe this, "Hidden Secrets Reviled" Indeed! Took them long enough to get a snooper to find this out." he scoffed as he read the Article's title out loud.

"Blast that, Alfred. He just had to upset Ludwig! The guy doesn't need that. Not in his condition anyway." Then he tossed the paper and it landed at his feet, just a little bit away from where it had been earlier. I snorted and sat on the side of the bed.

"Not once had you said what it really is. He's pregnant, Arthur. Not sick. Even you can say the word without feeling like an idiot." I growled. He rubbed his face with a hands. "I'm sorry, Gilbert. It just feels so strange. Especially with him being will, a him..." I felt myself melt at his tired tone.

"I guess I shouldn't be angry. Not at you. All this is so aggravating. I hate seeing you guys go through this. As you said, Ludwig doesn't need the stress." Then I grinned happily but my sadness still shone through. "I heard what he was going to name the kid." This caught Arthur's attention.

He dropped his hand to his lap. "Oh? What is he going to name it?" I have a short hearth laugh. "He was going to name it after me if it was a boy. Ivana if it was a girl. I wonder how the Russian would react to that." Then I began laughing hysterically and hard. Had I been alive, my sides would have been hurting. At least, it would have given me an excuse to be holding my sides like I was now.

"Kesesesese! How awesome is that? I might be having a nephew with my awesome name! He's going o be named after ME! Kesesesese! I can't wait to see him or her!" Arthur gave me a worried look. "Gilbert, you must calm yourself. Are you even going to be able to hang on that long?" I stopped my laughed and looked back at him with a thumbs up.

"No sweat! It'll be a breeze." I lied. "I'm fine. I'll be just like all the other ghosts out there." I lied again. I was getting more and more tired each day but I'd never tell him that. Arthur sighed. "Gilbert, those ghosts are around because they don't know they're dead, or too depressed to move on." I found myself sticking a tongue out at the Englishman. "Well, not me. I'm staying by my brother's side until I deem it okay. It's not like I'll move on without knowing it right." Arthur's eyes furrowed.

"I hope not, Gilbert." He spoke creepily. "If so, you may not find piece. Make sure you get it before you pass on to heaven will you?" I looked at him like he was crazy. "Sure, Arthur. I will."


	17. Chapter 17

~Ludwig (Month 7)~

I ended up being forced to stay in a wheelchair for the remainder of the pregnancy since the weight of the baby on my hips. I can get up and walk around but when I start feeling pain in my hips, I'm back in the wheelchair. Now with my stomach swollen with the child, bathroom trips are necessary and breathing isn't according to the child. But I do have more energy than I had earlier.

"I don't like this." I complained as I rubbed my large stomach where I got a hard kick from. I grunted and held my hand still as I nearly peed my pants from where I was kicked. Kiku gave me an sympathetic look as he glanced up from his strange manga. "He is kicking you again?" He asked with a shaky voice. It was understandable why his voice was shaking. His test results had come in today.

I groaned and looked at him with pleading eyes. "Yes, and I think I pissed myself but I can't be sure." I let out an even quieter groan. "I swear, the kid goes for the bladder each time." He closed his book a little. "Would you like for me to check?" He asked.

"Check for what?" I asked him, turning my head slightly. A blush went to his cheeks. "Ah, to check on whether or not you ah...wet yourself." Now I turned red along with him. I looked at my hands which rested on my large stomach. "You don't have to do that." I stuttered awkwardly. He never let his manga go as he came over and looked me over, bending slightly. I couldn't look at him when he stood back up and sat back on his bed and went back to reading.

"You're fine." He mumbled quickly, his whole face was red. "Thanks." I mumbled back then I looked at him finally. "What are you reading anyway? You've been reading that for three weeks now, always going back to random pages." His head jolted up in a shocked expression as if to say "You noticed?"

"N-Nothing." He lied and shoved his face in the book. But me, being on the side where the cover was showing as clear as day. The sight was of a woman and a man. The picture was very relieving. And descriptive as the porn I had at my old house. I had collected the stuff from Gilbert. "Kiku! You can't honestly say that it's nothing with a cover like that!" I shouted with my face turning more red.

"I-It's called hentai. It is a form of porn."

"Kiku!" I yelled in surprised and the Asian sprouted a sheepish smile. Then I gave him a proud smirk. What I said next would have made Gilbert proud if he heard it. "I'm so proud of you, my little pervert." Hmm...Maybe was Gilbert at that time and was aware of it that time.

~Ivan's POV~

I could feel the pain in my body as I was forced to walk between two policemen. I can't tell you what happened earlier because I was doped up at the time. They each were watching me hesitantly and cautiously. Like I would go crazy and try to attack them.

With my arms tied around myself in this straight jacket? No fucking way! "You can not do this! You have no permit!" Mr. Toms yelled with his pudgy face red and he stood in front of us. I could not help but stare at this fat man when we stopped with him in front of us. I had felt nothing at first. But then I was filled with rage at the man who darkened my life. Who took me away from Ludwig and unborn child. The one who literally STITCHED my mouth closed as I lay strapped down, screaming and struggling each time that thick, burning hot needle was thrust through the skin of my lips.

I saw nothing as I headbutted the man. There was a spurt of red and the sounds of a loud CRACK! Then there was cursing and yelling followed by the police laughing. Mr. Toms was on the ground, holding his bloodied face in his hands. As I felt his blood drip from my forehead and the dull ache from where my head collided with his face, the cops were laughing.

"Serves you right. And we do indeed have a permit." One laughed and I was guided to the back seat of the police car and was strapped in. Suddenly, I felt no more rage. Only the satisfaction that I had given the man at least some of the pain I endured while in the asylum. As we were driving away, I smiled and inwardly cried in my joy at finally getting out of that place.

"It's a good thing that reporter got in there. Otherwise, we wouldn't have been able to get in there. We've been trying to get these guys for years. How are you holding up, kid?" I smiled, once again ignoring the sting I felt as my stitches were stretched. The grinned back at me as the other spoke in a radio. "I thought so, kid. Felt good, didn't it?"

I laughed and the sound escaped whatever opening from my mouth as it could.

~Antonio's POV~

"No! I refuse to eat any of that-TOMATO BASTARD!" Romano shouted at me and crossed his arms stubbornly. I sighed patiently and scooted the plate closer to him. "But, Romano," I tried to reason. "You like tomatoes as well. Wouldn't you be a 'Tomato Bastard' too?" Apparently this was the wrong thing to ask. His scowled deepened and his eyes blazed in anger. "FUCK YOU!" Then he got up and stormed out of the room, only to quickly come back and pick up the plate of food and fixed me with a glare. "This doesn't mean that I like you!" Then he began to eat where he stood. I smiled. This was the best I could get from him.

"Of, course. I wouldn't expect anything better from you." I said. He scowled at me in mid bite. "What's that supposed to mean-TOMATO BASTARD!" I shook my head and sweated a little. "Nothing at all, Lovi-" "ROMANO, BASTARD!" He had an issue with calling everyone a bastard didn't he?

"Sorry, Romano." I said while just barely keeping my smile. He huffed and went back to eating. I could only smile, feeling fulfilled and accomplished at my win with the man.

~Matthew's POV~

Outside was warm and bright. Something we didn't have in Canada because it was a cold climate. Feliks was talking to me as I followed him while holding my toy polar bear.

"So, like, then I told her to buzz off 'cause she was, like, totally uncool and all that with all her "Save babies, stop abortion" crap. And guess what, she didn't leave. So I was all "Lady, you are totally bumming me out with your, like, buggingness." He gabbed. I raised a finger nervously

"Um, Feliks...'Buggingness' isn't a word." I point out, he waved a hand at me in annoyance. "I can say what I want, Alfred."

"I'm Matthew." I cried.

He looked at me shocked. "What? You, like, totally look like Alfred, you know. You could, I dunno, like, style your hair."

"The word 'Like' is getting annoying." I murmured to myself. "What?" He asked me and I nearly screamed in shock. Had he head me? "Um...Nothing. Nothing at all." Curse me and my shyness. Being quiet doesn't help either.

~Arthur's POV~

"Don't you have anything better to do than hang around me all day?" I gripped and flipped through a magazine that Francis had brought from one of the waiting rooms of the hospital. Francis laughed and combed his hair with his fingers. "No, not really. Besides, I like hanging out with you. You're so much fun to tease, especially with you not being able to come after me." He stated. I sputtered angrily.

"I am not to over exert myself while recovering." He laughed again. "I know! That is what makes it even more fun." I rolled my eyes and Gilbert pointed at me and laughed in my misery. This was not what I had planned. I had wanted to talk to Gilbert more today but I couldn't with Francis there! After all, I didn't want to be accused of going mad.

"Give it up, Artie!" Gilbert called between laughs. "Lover boy won't leave! Like a true Frenchman, he's determined! Kesesesese!" I glared at where he stood but only for a second, making it look like I was looking around the room in my anger.

"Aw, come on, Arthur. Relax. It's not a big deal is it?" Francis asked worriedly and looked at me with his powder blue eyes. I released an angry breath and and returned his gaze. "No. It's just that, there are times I'd like to be alone." He nodded as if he understood. Did he? Who knew what went on in his mind.

"It's alright, Arthur. You haven't really gotten out of the survivor's guilt thing have you?" I shook my head. No, I never really got out of it. It should have left long ago. But I still have it. Francis ended up embracing me and Gilbert left the room, Saying that he didn't want to see all the mushy crap. But I knew he really missed those times when he could hold Ludwig like this.

I'm just sorry that I had to remind him unintentionally.

~Ghost Gilbert's POV~

No matter how many times I looked at him, I could not believe how big around West had gotten. It seemed like only yesterday, he was able to hide that large stomach of his under s shirt. But now, it seemed to have gone passed that stage. As I watched his interaction with the Asian between the kicking of Ludwig's bladder and the Japanese porn book, it was all rather entertaining. And I couldn't help but notice that the bigger Ludwig got, the less he turned into me. In a way, I was proud of him. That was a sign that he was finally letting me go...

…..But the same, unfortunately, can't be on my side. I couldn't let him go just yet. I'll stay here when he gives birth. Should he pass away during labor, I will be here to help and comfort him. If he survives, then I will stay to watch him name the baby before I passed on.

I will stay until the birth either way. I won't leave until then. I will see the birth of my neice or nephew if it's the last thing...If it's the last thought I have near Ludwig! Don't judge me! It's hard to find things to say when you're a ghost.

Smiling at the area where the child sat, I placed a ghostly hand there and felt the kick. I laughed a little as Ludwig rubbed there, his hand going through my own and froze instantly. He looked down at his hand that was going through my own. Kiku watched him.

"What is wrong, Ludwig?" He asked. I quickly took my hand away. Ludwig looked puzzled. "It was cold in this spot just a moment ago. And I don't mean like a breeze, I felt cold in the shape of a hand." His voice quivered. Kiku looked at the area suspiciously and looked right at me, or rather, through me.

It was odd. He knew I was here but he could not see me. Stupid Japanese legends and rumors. They're always the quickest to pick hints up.

"Do not worry yourself, Ludwig." He said slowly and his eyes flickered around the area I stood. "I am sure it was nothing." Ludwig nodded his head jerkily. "Yes..." He began and let out a heavy breath. "Maybe you're right."

Then he chuckled. "Maybe the thought of giving birth is troubling me to the point that I am paranoid." He laughed breathlessly. Kiku raised an eyebrow. "Do you often think about going into labor?" He asked and finally set his book down.

My little brother nodded. "Yes. I can't stop thinking about it. Will they have to cut it out or will I have to birth it myself, no matter how unnatural that may be. I'm afraid about how I am supposed to give birth." Kiku rubbed Ludwig's back reassuringly. "Do not worry about the little things." He stated.

The German man gave the Asian a strange look. "What do you mean 'Little things'? Giving birth is anything but little, Kiku." the Asian shook his head. "No, raising the child is a 'Big' thing. Actually bringing it in the world is little compared to that."

Hmm, never really thought about birth that way. But then again, I don't think many do. In a way, I was glad that I never got the ability to get pregnant like little Luddy did. After all, I never submit and no child could take the place of my brother who I raised since he was in diapers and crying his lungs out when he needed a change or food.

Boy, as a baby, Luddy was loud and his diapers smelled rancid but with the help of Elizabeta, I managed to change my first diaper at the age of ten...I did a lot for my brother at that age. I changed him, fed him (when he no longer needed breast milk that is), got toys for him, changed him, bathed him, played with him, cared for him when he was sick. And I refused help on it all.

I think I did a rather damn good job of it. I did my part for him. Now, it was Ludwig's turn. It's his turn to smell the dangers of a baby's diaper and the nightly feedings. I smirked at the image of Ludwig and Ivan, struggling to change the baby. But as always, Ludwig always ended up getting his head on straight and does a good job of it...Damn my mind and it's ability to know West so well.


	18. Chapter 18

~Ludwig (Month 8~

"It's must be good to know that you have the ability to bear children huh?" Feliciano said and gave a dreamy smile. Kiku looked down at the floor, a small smile on his face. I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Feli. As he said before for the past month. It does in fact feel good to know." I answered for the blushing Asian. Feliciano let out a "Ve~~" before walking out of the room and my hand went to my back.

"Ludwig, I can't help but notice that this is the sixth time this morning you have been rubbing your back. Is your back hurting?" Kiku asked me as I walked around the room. It was only ten in the morning and my hand just kept finding a way to my aching back. The pain had been there earlier last night but I doubted it was labor pains. After all, I still had a month or two to go.

"Yes." I hissed and sat down, his bed being the nearest and more appealing place to sit. "It's been like this since last night." I groaned and rubbed my back again. His eyebrows furrowed in worry. "Have you been stressed a lot?" I nodded. "Since I saw Ivan in the paper in my fifth month." I answered.

Kiku's lips tightened as he walked up to the bed and crawled on it behind me and began to massage the place. I made a noise of content. "Kiku, how do you do that?" I ask. "I used to do this for my sister when she had my niece." I 'hmm'ed

That was when Yao poked his head in. He had a huge smile on his face. "Guess what, aru." He said. "You have a visitor. He just came here from the psychiatrist. And I don't mean like the one from the asylum, the one he's been working with has an actual degree, Aru."

Kiku and I looked up at him as Kiku's hands stopped massaging my lower back. "Really?" I ask. "Is he here for the court case this afternoon?" The court had managed to pull some strings and bring the case up to today. Yao closed his eyes gleefully.

"In a way, yes. Aru." Then his head went out and I heard him tell the person to come on in. As the door opened and the person walk in, Kiku gasped and I instantly began to cry as I got up and ran to him. The man's arms opened up and I ran as fast as I could into his arms. Into Ivan's arms.

I cried as he held me closed and he rubbed his face into my head. Looking up, I saw how much healthier he had gotten since the picture was taken of him. Although he did have holes that scarred from there his mouth was once stitched together, they weren't very noticeable. No longer did he have a straight jacket on. Instead, he wore a yellow long sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans that were held up by a belt. He also wore his traditional coat and boots. The only thing missing was the scarf that was around my neck.

Everything dissolved as we stared at each other, our smiles were bigger than ever when it happened.

I felt the the pain, and I heard the water splatter on the floor. But it did not register until I heard Kiku cry out. Suddenly, I'm clenching Ivan's coat and he's holding me tightly, crying out in his panic to me. But I was in too much pain to answer as it hit me hard before fading.

"-ig! Can you hear me?" Ivan called as he knelt in front of me as my knees now were in the clear fluid that came from me. He had my hands in his and I was holding tightly and began to breathe heavily. "Ludwig?" I nodded in response but I didn't speak and bit my lip.

"Ludwig, you've just gone into labor. We're going to call a nurse and a doctor here." Ivan said slowly and he began to breathe in a pattern that I quickly followed. "Don't panic. I'm here with you." I said nothing once again and Kiku quickly hurried to a bed side and pushed a button on the wall that alerted for a nurse.

~Ghost Gilbert~

I watched as a doctor ran by me in a rush. I had been heading back to Ludwig's room when it happened. After they had passed, Arthur rolled by in a wheel chair. He had been allowed out of the room as long as he stayed in that thing and he was starting to grow his hair back.

He was panting and his face was red from hurrying and rushing around. "What's going on?" I asked him. He gave a gesture that told me to wait before he panted some more and spoke. "Ludwig had gone into labor. They're taking him to the delivery room." He answered. The second he finished, I was gone and headed to the delivery room, ignoring Arthur who yelled out to me "You don't even know where it is!"

I had gotten lost but I managed to find where Ludwig and Ivan were. I phased through the doors and stepped beside Ludwig's side, opposite of the Russian's. Ludwig had Ivan's hand in a grip and he now wore a white a hospital gown where Ivan wore a kind of scrub kind of uniform.

"I don't understand." Ludwig whined from the bed, sweat covered his brow. "I'm early. By a month even." Ivan wiped my brother's forehead lovingly. He held a serious but cool expression. "Do not worry, Ludwig. I was born three months early. And Natalia was born two months early. We made it just fine. It happens sometimes."

Ludwig lurched and hissed as he squeezed Ivan's hand tight. Finally settling when the pain was gone, he relaxed his grip, the Russian not making any hint that he noticed. "I hate this." West complained some more.

"It's only been two hours since the first few, love." Ivan reasoned. Ludwig just pouted. "It doesn't mean I like them, Ivan." He gripped and took the television remote from the side of the bed. "What are you doing?" Ivan questioned.

"I'm going to watch some television. Or at least try to since the doctor said that this will be a while." Ivan's mouth opened and closed, abashed. "We finally see each other in months and when we only just had got back together, you want to watch television?" He questioned outraged. Ludwig froze in his movements and looked down ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Ivan...I'm just not so sure I'll even be able to pay attention to it even if I do turn it on." He spoke softly. Then he looked back at the Russian. "I just need sound. Anything to distract me. Anything..." You could just see Ivan melt and he held the top half of my brother close to him and kissed him on the lips.

"Then I shall give you something to keep your mind off the labor." He spoke against Ludwig's mouth. Had I still been alive, I would have turned red and made fun of West for this moment. But the fact is, I am not alive. And there was no way I could tease him for this.

Ivan set West down on the bed and hovered over him a little while he made out with him. Ludwig had his eyes closed, enjoying the moment. But that wasn't long. In evidence, Ludwig let out another hiss and accidentally bit Ivan's lip and the Russian responded with a whine so puny that I pointed and laughed at the irony of it but I came back to my senses as West made another comment.

"That one was closer this time." He whimpered. And Ivan pulled away to face him fully. Ludwig whimpered again and grabbed Ivan's sleeves. "Oh, God, Ivan! I'm not ready for this! It's going too quickly." Ivan shushed him and I saw his eyes dart to the door as if demanding why the doctors or a nurse wasn't here.

"Be calm, Sun. Everything is going to be just fine. I will not let anything happen to you." Ivan had hushed. I sighed and felt the dread fill my whole ghostly being an overfill my exhaustion. Nice to know that one of us three had a positive feeling about this. Where Ivan was confident that West was going to make it, I had the feeling that either West or the baby was going to join me...That couldn't be the only reason that I was feeling the tug to stay as well as move on.

Ludwig arched again as obvious pain struck his face. Next thing I knew, he was looking right at me and his eyes grew. "God, Gilbert?" Ivan looked through me confused. "Gilbert? No one is there, Ludwig." I gave a smile and knelt down to his head level and placed a hand on his forehead soothingly. "Hiya, West. I am here. Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you." That was all I needed to say.

Ludwig began to scream in terror. It was not the pain that was making him scream. This time it was the sight of his dead brother and to be able to hear me, made his fear more. Ivan quickly scooped him in his arms and began to rock him but West wouldn't stop screaming. I stood up and fought against my nonexistent tears. It hurt that he was afraid of me. It hurt that that the sight of me caused him distress. And the worst part, my heart stung.

Ludwig's screams did calm down and he managed to push his face away from the Russian's shoulder and he glanced back at me. But I could see it in his eyes. He couldn't see me anymore. He shook his head wildly as if shaking off a bad dream and he looked back but apparently, he still didn't see me. Ivan kissed him back on the temple.

"Are you alright now?" Ludwig nodded. "What happened, Ludwig? What had frightened you so much?" West panted as he tried to calm his heart.

"I...I saw him...I saw my brother..." He cried and reached a hand out. I couldn't resist such an invitation and touched his, only my hand went through his and he shivered from the cold. "G-Gilbert?" He asked. I nodded despite the fact that he couldn't see it and took my hand away. His eyes grew and reached out some more.

"N-No! Gilbert!" He cried out and the second hand followed the first. Tears stung my eyes and I placed both my hands to his. I didn't care if they went through his. I let my cold hand touch his and he seemed to relax, knowing that even though I was dead, I was still here. He hadn't lost.

Ivan watched him during this action. "Ludwig, what are you doing?" He asked for the second time that day. Ludwig shook his head, giving the Russian a weak, encouraging smile. "Nothing, Ivan. Don't worry. I am still sane...It's just..." He looked back at the place where he thought I was, our hands still touching. "Just family matters."

Ivan shook his head.

~Arthur's POV~

The waiting room was quiet. I don't know what it was but all of us felt the need to be here as Ludwig birthed. All of us were quiet and still but Alfred and Feliciano decided to take to bouncing in their seats and pacing around the room.

Francis for some reason, got it into his head to place his arm around my shoulder. But I didn't push it away. I just didn't really have the patience to deal with another one of his flirtatious fights he liked to get into with me for some reason or another.

From inside, we could hear Ludwig yelling and cursing followed by Ivan trying to calm him down and doctors giving orders on what to do.

I sighed and rested my head in my hands. I was exhausted.

~Ghost Gilbert's POV~

The labor was hard. It was long. And the baby was breech. So many things were going wrong here. The light where the baby sat, was getting brighter. They couldn't see it. They just couldn't fucking see that the baby was suffocating! The baby was dying!

"No, no more! I'm tired!" Ludwig was begging. And it was easy to tell why. Ten hours in labor and the child still wasn't coming out right. "You're doing wonderful, Ludwig. It won't be long now." Ivan said sadly. West spat out a string of curses that I had never heard him use before.

"Shut up! I'm tired! I want to sleep!" He hollered. The doctor said something to the pair but my eyes were absorbed on the light coming from the baby. As it rose higher and higher, I figured out what it was. "Oh, no you don't!" I yelled and ran over to Ludwig's lower stomach and began to push the light back into the child.

"You are not dying on us this easily, kid!" I yelled to the light. "Ludwig and Ivan need you to live! I need you to live too!" I yelled and begged to the light. It was getting harder and harder to push the light back to the baby but that only made me more determined and my strength increased and I reveled in my success of pushing the light back. I was not going to let this child die on us.

"Are you sure you want this?" A voice asked. I looked around to were I had heard the voice but I saw no one. "Who's there?" I called out.

"Is this what you really want?" The voice asked again and the light got harder to push to the point that my wrists were hurting.

"No! You can't die!" I yelled to the light in my hands once again. "Yes, I want the child to live, alright? I spat at where the voice was as I struggled to hold this fucking light. "Then you will get your wish." I didn't realize how friendly and peaceful that voice sounded.

Next thing I know, the light went straight back into the baby, bringing me along with it. As I sunk into the body of the baby, I lost consciousness and all was black.

~Ludwig's POV~

Finally, the child was out! I can not tell you how glad I am that it-The baby was handed to me-Er, he is now out. Ivan had gone out to tell everyone the gender and how much he had weighed. I could only laugh as I heard cheering. Looking down at the bundle in my arms, my chest swelled in pride at mine and Ivan's handiwork. The little one looked like the perfect mixture of both Ivan and I.

He had Ivan's hair, that was for certain but my nose and mouth. I smiled and rubbed his cheek and his little eyes opened and I gasped.

His eyes were red.


	19. Chapter 19

~Ludwig's POV~

The court case was going on about now. But I didn't go (obviously) due to the birth of Gilbert. My little Gilbert. He has an uncanny resemblance to my big brother to the point it's scary, even if he did have Ivan's hair. As his red eyes wondered around the room in amazement, I held him close to me as Ivan was learning how to prepare a bottle from a nurse. Little Gilbert cooed as he took my finger in his little hands before placing it in his mouth. I laughed. It all made sense to me now. Where he had once cared and raised me by himself, it was my turn to return the favor. Not that it was a favor at all.

"Hi, Gilbert." I cooed and he smiled. "I'm your mom-er-dad? Whatever, I'm going to be the best parent ever for you."

Ivan walked over with a filled baby bottle. "What about me? I'm here for him too. I'm his dad after all." He joked then took Gilbert from my arms and held him securely in his arms and fed the bottle to the hungry baby who guzzled the formula. I couldn't help but laugh. Thing's are going to be better from now on." He said mainly to the baby.

Then, I felt my head twitch and a strange feeling came over me, but this time, I was aware of everything. My mouth turned into a toothy grin without my voluntary action as if my body had a mind of it's own. And before I could stop myself, I said "Yeah, It's going to be awesome."

Epilogue

~Narrator's POV~

It had taken ten years but the Global asylum had been shut down for months until Berwald had gained the property by law. It turns out, his cousin had owned it and it was passed down to him. He managed to turn it into the world's most successful rehabilitation center.

Kiku went back to Japan where he and his partner had many kids. Feliciano and Romano opened their own store. ("IDIOT!" Romano shouted as he showed Feliciano the messed up stock of shelves. Feliciano rubbed his head and Romano yanked his ear and the smaller Italian yelled in pain.) They don't always get along and they're store isn't very popular due to Romano but they get by.

Alfred became a stunt man while Yao...(Yao starts selling people their watches back during Alfred's stunt act)...Well, Yao just tags along.

Arthur and Francis had been staying at the hospital. Arthur's health hadn't gotten much better and Francis refused to leave his side so he was content.

Matthew and Feliks opened up a boutique shop somewhere in a large city. Many of those who managed to escape the asylum had well off lives and lived happily.

And as for Ivan, Ludwig, and Gilbert...(Ludwig and Ivan were standing on a porch of the house while ten year old Gilbert played with a dog nearby. The two adults smiled at each other before Ludwig rubbed his once again, big stomach.) ...They're planning on a new arrival.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> 1\. Да– Yes (Russian)
> 
> 2\. Guten Morgen – Good Morning (German)
> 
> 3\. Natürlich. Ich werde danach sofort suchen - Of course. I shall look for it right away. (German)
> 
> 4\. Вы сукин сын- You son of a bitch (Russian)
> 
> 5\. Sie haben violette Augen. Das ist sehr ungewöhnlich. - You have violet eyes. That is very unusual.(German)
> 
> 6\. Не делайте Вас, когда-либо говорят о моих глазах когда-либо снова! Когда-либо! - Don't you ever talk about my eyes ever again! Ever!(Russian)


End file.
